12/21/2012: David Wilcock, Harvest, Ra, New Age Gurus. What does it all mean?

[Hototo]

I don't know, days feel slower for me lately. I'm counting the hours. I'm a little disappointed that nothing seemed to happen that was obvious. I spent Dec 21, 2012 in jail because I went mentally insane and made a mistake.

Really, I spent mine in a decent hotel in Amsterdam smoking out the window and watching Dr. House explain the concept of brain damage as both perceived by the soul and not perceived by the soul in the brain in the last episodes of that show.

Was a great learning experience. Like most others, it feels like absolute crap and like the worst pits of hell when I'm in one of those moments, but its the pressure, the hellscape, the darkness of the soul that reaches out into my depths and brings out the best in me. So I dont feel discouraged when in those moments, I feel challenged, energized, inspired by the universe to prove my mettle. You're not going to get the best of me yet other-self, I'll wriggle out of your net yet!

I'm not sure now if I've been given the choice to leave or not. I probably would have taken them, that's how fragile my ego has been. Energy doesn't feel much different than it did a year ago. Not sure about how 4D energies are coming in. And it frustrates me a little bit. How much can I really do being here. They say we're shining light/love by just being here. But I can't say that for sure if I'm making a difference. I try to turn to my guardian angel, but just get confused energies.

*hug*