The Spiritual Ethics of Suicide

[AnthroHeart]

Hmmm. When I was suicidal 10 years back, and also not spiritual at all, I never contemplated actually committing the act. I just started chanting death four or five times before I slept for maybe a year on end (I don't know why I chanted it before sleep, I never chanted, nor did one around me chant, but it just felt right?)...looking back, it was during this period that my body started to fall apart in terms of odd illnesses and allergies and random aches....good thing I found to love life again.

I think one thing that held me back was hurting those around me if I somehow died, especially my mother and father. I'm an only child, so they would have been devastated. I figured I'd just wait till they passed away naturally and so I put my suicide plans on a 20-30 year hold haha.

Being alive is fucking awesome though, so I think it was all part of the journey!

I was suicidal 3 times in my life. Once I cut my wrist with a pair of scissors, but it only scratched me, and no blood. Another time I pondered it when I thought I was getting harvested negative, and wanted to avoid that unfortunate thing. I don't remember the 3rd time. But most of the time I'm not suicidal, but I do have suicidal ideation. It brings me comfort to think about it.

Being alive is awesome, even if there are things that I don't like or always agree with. Life is hard.