(08-03-2015, 06:14 PM)Aion Wrote: I think it's something that has always been part of me. I have always been the type to martyr myself for others while still strongly striving for my own individualism.
However, when I was younger and when there was less social need to interact with others I kept myself separate because I always felt I took on too much from others. I couldn't stand to touch people because I'd receive huge psychic impressions and empathy, I could feel in to their souls. That's still true enough although now I know how to limit the effect.
The truth is that I have had very uncommon views from a very young age. I spent much of my childhood in other bodies and astral traveling. I have always known that I am incarnate and that I have many other lives. I have always known that I can manipulate energy and telepathy is real. I always knew I came here to accomplish a specific task.
When I was younger I was super zen. I had many natural yogic abilities (such a virtual immunity to cold) and had such a strong awareness of my divine self.
Then the depression hit, and things are muddled. I discovered my deep dark side, my potential for greatness, power and selfishness. There is a violence in my being that I do not let out. Were I to allow myself to become corrupt it would be a nasty piece of work.
I can relate to some of that. I too feel intense empathy, even from talking with someone on the phone! It sounds like it's even more intense for you, with the telepathy, astral travel, etc. I did remember a past life as a child, but didn't understand it, and felt very alone, but without that awareness of divine self that you mention. I can partially relate to what you describe, based on experiences later in life.
It's rough being here on this planet, at all, and even harder once we start awakening. In some ways it gets easier, but in other ways it can get harder.
Do you know what caused the depression to start? Are you able to trace it back to a particular incident? So many things can cause depression. Even just spending less time outside in the sunshine, due to working at a job all day, can cause depression. When in the midst of it, our 'darker' natures tend to come out.
Something that helped me a lot was Rebirthing. This is a very safe modality in which the person can confront their inner 'demons' in a safe environment. Once they are accessed and expressed in a harmless way (like, for example, hitting a pillow, crying, etc.), they are replaced with positive affirmations which transform the negative beliefs and emotions.
I found this very powerful! It's important to find a qualified Rebirther though - one who knows how to dig deep into the nitty-gritty stuff that's been suppressed.
(08-03-2015, 06:14 PM)Aion Wrote: The truth is that I am being pulled betwixt light and darkness and neither seems to be letting up. The constant need to balance myself is exhausting.
Do you think you must continue to balance the light and the darkness? Or do you think maybe you're supposed to make a clear Choice? (Once a choice is made, there is no longer any need to balance Light and Dark...one can just go for the one they want.)
My understanding is that a Choice must be made while here in 3D, even by Wanderers. Could it be possible that you aren't clear on which direction you want to go in? Or have you already chosen, but are feeling guilty because you're still feeling darkness, despite having chosen the Light?
Choosing the STO path doesn't mean that the 'dark side' of your being be suppressed or denied. It can be transformed, which is entirely different. Then the guilt disappears.
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