"You create your reality"

[Mahakali]

I guess the key of this would be in asking yourself how you came to be where you are.

What was the free will that lead to your birth and surrounding rules it had to align with.

At this point, I crave spiritual development deeply, and not much else.

Maybe learning the past can help me develop spiritually, but I really want fifth-density light-alteration kinda s***, or to live on the astral plane in a lucid-dream type way with access to advanced science, mathematics, books, pornography, appealing spiritual concepts, time alteration, tesseracting, maybe a little bit of dank-ass weed... the works.

At this point, however, I could die if I don't figure out how to fix the brain thing, and unless some very high-level being makes the unlikely decision to intervene, it means figuring out how to do it myself.

Which is fine. But I really do need to figure it out, or else it's death and then Hell until the universe ends, or at least death and something else. And that would be a shitty ending to a really shitty story; I think it's far more interesting if I overcome this.

Preincarnative decisions are whatever; I think most of the negativity has been accrued in this lifetime, and I need to figure out how my mind and matter interact.

This is also a grand opportunity to make a massive leap in spiritual development, if I play my cards right.