Balancing conspiracy theory studies

[Relax]

thanks :-)

yes...there are so many examples.... since childhood I've been aware/awake to evil

my father was 40 when I was born (he's now 96 yrs) and was the navigator on Lancaster Bombers RAF (UK) during WW2 in night raids over Germany; had friends killed; saw planes shot down, helped drag pilots from burning wreckage (etc).

He was also an eye witness to extreme inhumanity as he was at the liberation of Bergen Belsen Concentration Camp.
What he saw shattered him in ways that became transferred to our family.

I recently viewed photos from Bergen Belsen and even the streets around the 'camp' were filled with emaciated corpses piled high upon each other.

I wish he'd had counselling; proper support; as he's actually a beautiful person that was extremely traumatised as a very young man and has been so toxic an influence I'm now estranged from my entire family.

I'm a strange, dissociative mix of acutely aware of; but also resistant to, full comprehension of the extent of evil in this world.
I had a near complete breakdown at 19 and since then a life of experiences that have nearly brought about my death several times.

A conversation about how deep the rabbit hole goes isn't really needed. It's a negative focus and I need hopeful, Light filled vistas, particularly at the moment.

I've stayed at the age of about 35-ish and yet am in the second 'half' of my life and working hard to lift the stasis that descended on me this past 10-20 years since I was involuntarily (medically) retired from work due to injuries from a life threatening assault. Not having a partner and/or children means I'm very cast adrift. So I've been looking at the whole 'big issue' of what IS my life purpose? And part of that process is about becoming prepared to be very brave and 'awake'.

Anyhoo... that's a bit of background.  Ciao for now - I have Japanese (language) homework very overdue

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