Cyan Goodbye

[Cyan]

I just communicated with the Mods and they assure me that if I post in this thread one of them will approve it. I am skeptical having seen appropriate posts not be approved, but I'll give it a shot, if it doesn't go through I'll try to get someone to post for me. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks all for the support and overwhelmingly positive response. It goes to show that my desire is well timed and intentioned.

I will not be returning to the forum as its time has passed, I should have probably left shortly after Carla's passing as it felt appropriate then but this is as good a time as any.

I will say that it is clear that attacking the "STS" or "Shadow Self" leads to the shadow realm, the best choice is to calmly merge with it or push through it into acceptance of having "overcome" but not to openly fight it. As they say so often in the Ayahuasca trips, no matter what scary things you see you just focus in on them and push through and you'll get to the other side.

I've been reading everyone's response and I'll respond in general.

I appreciate the support and I would love to stay here but the vibration has become incompatible with me and I must vacate. I've however noticed a distinct uptick in how well im doing ever since I adjusted to the new 51-49 stance. It seems to work well for me. I got my own apartment, new laptop, and numerous other minor things from it and it seems that trying to balance with the STS side is more appropriate than trying to be STO. In short, without knowing who you are and loving yourself first, in all its glory and horror, you cant know what others truly want because you will always try to paint what others are doing or wanting in the realm of your shadow. You will see their desires for their self expression as evil, as it is what you are denying in yourself.

I've recently gotten back into making youtube videos of various topics and I will probably be active in this single thread only and respond for a while, post my videos and thoughts of my departing this place but will eventually close it down as its been long enough, but for now it should remain open.

But if you want a long term view of what I'm doing I strongly recommend the Gallareue forum.

When I joined the forum and the LL group it was centered around getting people to 4th D, positive or negative, after a while it started to form strongly around 4thD positive. Even if that had not occured, I would still feel out of place as for me the focus is on maintaining the Veil, or Creation around me instead of being pulled into the "gravity well of knowing". The uncertainty and the adventure inherent in 3D life is so valuable that I prefer not to even tempt losing it so leaving remains my only option. While the reasons I stated earlier apply I consider the main purpose to be value of 3D life. We've attempted religions, and secular ideas, of a state system where everyone is maintained at a high standard of living by the state, from Religious Dogoodism to Communism and they all fail, I do not see an outcome from everyone being maintained at a high standard of living by the state as a good one. I doubt we can achieve such even with infinite resources. There simply is no desire for it. That being said, we need a minimum standard of living for all the poor people that is higher than the current. In finland a store clerk at start gets 2200€ a month, while the social security is 550€ a month. Were the social security around a 1000€ a month I would support the system, for now the social security is much too low. So in many regards I agree, more social services paid by higher taxes is what we need, but not to the extent that most "do good" religious groups support. Such a system would not work, and in the language of EVE. Would be Amarrian.

People must be rewarded for working to improve themselves, working to improve the community and other is its own reward but should not be done at the cost of yourself. I've also lately turned much against the Starfleet Federation idea of no first contact with prewarp and communalism. To me the idea of no contact with PreWarp civilizations is a huge setback and needs to be corrected. Im working with my full force to enable contact with a post warp civilization as soon as possible and I've documented my efforts to a great deal in public, from my conflict with the "angelic/floater" civilization for playing Gods to us to my assistance in the "angelic/amarrian" society's war against "galactic warming".

All in all, if we dont get post warp contact soon, I sure have gained post warp status as myself. I consider myself to be well on my way to becoming the "center soul" for a galactic civilization and my efforts to turn myself from a "nation of one" to a being where all my cells have their own human form and we exist as a SMC in space spanning hundreds of starsystes. My progress towards such a goal is well on its way.

The weirdest thing that has, as a result of my online activity, happened to me was my Bank told me that they noticed some money transfers to Greece in their account data and asked me if I recognize some numbers, they wrote them out and handed them to me. I didnt initially recognize them but when I went home and went through my EVE online bookkeeping I noticed they were exactly the same numbers and dates as some of my activity. It made me feel like the bank was telling me "yeah its real, but only if you use it appropriately for large things, you cant buy a car for yourself n such". To me this was the best contact i've had thus far. I am a real "galactic player" but only as long as my citizens approve. Corruption and I would be "voted out of office". It made me smile for days and weeks. Perhaps I should buy and haul all the trash and clean out the space

In a larger scale, the thought "we cant leave our root behind" seems to apply here. I have no doubt I could cut my STO self as separate from my STS self and "ascend" to the godly realms and live in "eternal joy and bliss" but to quote the Buddha, "I would rather live in hell than in heaven. There are more people in hell that could use my help and advice."

But living in the hell of the homelesness and the related troubles has taught me to survive hell, and to value not being there.

So, I will be glad to answer any questions about my alignment, now "negatives" do things and so on and so forth. I will stay in the thread until interest in my departure vanes but until then.

I wish you all the best and sorry I didnt respond poster by poster.

Best regards.