Finding Acceptance in the Face of Control

[Aion]

Thanks for sharing, I know what that is like in a way.

It sounds like he definitely has some abandonment issues that were probably triggered. This is exactly a situation where such a balance can be difficult. I've had people like this in my life where they always have troubles and they never want your advice, but once you stop offering it, they turn on you and say you don't care anymore.

I've had situations like this where the person doesn't want you to control them, but they do want you to 'fight for them', and when you stop making that effort they take it as though you have given up on them.

In both these situations the difficult thing is that the other person is actually engaged in a dialogue with themselves of which you are only a character. It's not actually you he's angry with, it's the idea and expectations he built up in his own head that has made him angry. I think he took it out on you because you're maybe the one person he thought did care and now that has changed in his mind, even if it's not actually true.

That can be incredibly hard to discern when the person is being frustrated and confrontational to begin with, so you can't blame yourself for the misunderstanding either way. I think there are lessons in this for both of you.

The inability to control another persons' ideas is perhaps the greatest struggle of all. Behaviours are overt, they can be assessed that way, but you can't shape a persons' mind.

I live with a lot of mental illness around me, it's in my family, friends and fiance's family. A lot of my energy is spent on reassurance or helping to manage others' anxiety and fears. There is unfortunately a point where there is only so much you can do that is preventative and you really just have to be on your toes, but it can get exhausting and there is risk of resentment coming up. It doesn't help trying to manage my own depression as well.

Some days are really difficult. Yesterday was a tough one, by the end of it I felt like I was being crushed by a boulder, but I also know that I just have to keep moving forward.