Dear Friends

[Elle]

What about your feelings?

I define feeling as something of internal nag of what tells me right from wrong. Emotions are sensations such as anger, elation, excitement, sorrow, irritation, shame, anxiety, pity, etc. With more understanding of self and others, those negative emotions such as anger and irritation don’t seem to manifest much anymore.

For example, I still feel bouts of irritation, but it’s typically when someone has requested something of me and, while I don’t want to stop what I’m doing for me, I might get that feeling inside that I should help. If I don’t help, that irritation then typically manifests as a sort of disharmony inside later on. I think about what happened and I learn from that experience. The next time a similar situation arises, I reorganize my priorities and offer assistance when requested if I get the feeling that I should. I find I’m still able to get what I want done for myself, albeit at a later time, and later l more harmony inside that we both had a positive experience.

At this time, I suppose the best I can say is that my emotions could be a sort of indicator which is manifested by what I feel is right in order to achieve internal balance between myself, others and my environment.

The way you over-analyze and over-do things all by yourself, almost single-handedly using your "engine", your logic. You even term yourself as an engine instead of a biological organism. Have you ever considered that, no matter how endless you might be, you're actually small?

Everyone has hobbies and interests, and one of my several is thinking about all manner of things, from as many angles I can find (myself, my close community, outer community, various perceptions, etc.) until I can reach what I feel the root or source. For me, there is no over-analysis unless I feel a sort of discord when realizing can’t identify a source, root or heart of the matter. I’ve learned to identify this feeling and accept that I don’t know/don’t have enough info, file it away, and I’ll let time do it's things and see what's later revealed.

Well, after you described your "internal engine parts", I sincerely doubt you whole-heartedly and 100% forgive both yourself and others; likewise with acceptance and understanding, not to mention love.

I’m by no means a saint and there are actions others choose to take against that I personally find abhorrent, disgusting and vile, just as there are actions I take that others feel the same about. I can’t say that I’m pious enough to forgive those actions, but I understand and accept that others have the choice/capability to perform them. Additionally, I can choose to take measures so that I personally don’t experience them, and do my best to help those I come in direct contact who also don’t want to experience them.

I'll ask you again: do you sincerely believe in free will?

I accept that it is a possibility. In my earlier post, I speculated/quoted Ra, that this life could be a combination of free will/choice in any given scenario, it could be programed/fate, or a combination of both: program and catalyst. Again, I really don’t know, which is why I defer to my internal engine and operate as I see fit.

I’ll take in the rest of what you’ve written, but I really find myself going back to the one thing I currently know: I’m here and doing what I think is right in any scenario presented, learning and teaching of self and others along the way while trying to maintain a balance between myself, others and my environment. Will I always think this way? Who knows. I’ve only had this position for a couple of years and just recently added the “teaching” and “of self and others” aspect since reading the Ra Material. Change is always. The rest of the story has yet to be written or read or both.