Addiction and the LOO

[pat19989]

Since I have become more conscious of myself, and the eternity of my soul, I have been able to slowly overcome my addictions to marijuana and nicotine.

But I still have these 'itches' that are scratched in the form of refined sugar and other processed foods. I have been trying to show love to these parts of myself, to allow myself to "scratch" while still holding a part of myself in observation seeking the source of this 'need.'

I have come to a conclusion that my fear of abandonment has materialized into addiction to the small dopamine rushes these kinds of actions provide. I'm not entirely sure of this conclusion, but my addictive tendencies took stronghold around the time people in my life began to move away from me.

I've also been finding it difficult to let go of the ego around other people. I feel great joy in the comfort of beingness, of my true self in prayer/meditation, but I cannot meditate all day, yet. I suppose I need to continue to work in meditation so that I can sustain a mindful state no matter my surroundings. But right now I find myself around other people most of the day, and feel forced into ego-mode operation. I know it is my ego that seeks these destructive tendencies that leave me feeling empty and depressed. I am able to bring myself back to the truth afterwards, although it often takes much time and effort.