My awakening

[Ali Quadir]

DAa, sorry for the delay, the wanderer stories are usually longer and I tend to save them for the evenings. I didn't this time. After reading Ayadews response I just got caught in your initial message.

In my opinion your experience was very pure. It's like a series of perfect examples of common experiences. Not to detract from how special it was to you. There will be few experiences in life more intense than this one. And most people don't even get this one. Even those who do experiment with LSD.

Everything below is my opinion and insights guided by my previous experiences and what other people told me. Take what you like and leave what you don't like. There are no absolutes.

I took a couple of trips at home, just me and a friend - I went off to the bathroom on my own. The next thing I felt was the rush of energy coming from my spine (I now know to be kundalini energy). My arms raised on their own - at this stage i was on automatic. My heart chakra opened and energy and light like I never felt fefore came down from above, I closed my eyes and saw an image of Jesus Christ come into my heart with the white light/energy accompanied with the feeling of pure bliss and infinite LOVE. Baring in mind at this stage in my life I had absolutely no belief or interest in Jesus/God and had never heard of the chakras. I felt really weirded out and knew something spiritual happened to me. What? I had no idea.

Wow This is a very pure vision, Christ is associated with the heart. Which is why the catholics often put a heart on christ's chest. People sometimes call the awakened state Christ consciousness. It's literally what they meant with the second coming. It seems your subconscious mind clearly communicated to you what was happening to you. Your arms raising was also a clear connecting to this Christ energy. Not so much a reference to death on the cross. I'm assuming you held your palms up because that's basically a power position allowing the ideal flow of energy through your body. As you say from above to below. If you had not assumed that position you would have slowed the energy down. If you were really into it you might have even pressed your tongue against the roof of your mouth. The body sometimes just assumes these postures and they have pronounced effects.

Later on I was still baffled and I had another energy release. This time I opened the third eye chakra and the crown chakra. I looked at my hands and saw them age rapidly, I saw a vision of what felt like my own funeral. What I can only describe as a portal opened up in front of me. Something that transcended physical reality. I could actually feel streams of air (now known to be chi) running through it. If any of you have ever saw Donny Darko it was very similar to that. Again after feeling fearful and confused I was filled with the great love and light from above again. it was wonderful. Not all of it was wonderful though. I felt what I thought was me being judged for my sins which really scared me. I felt a kind of judgement and I pleaded that I be forgiven. I felt the light/love again. That night i was no longer afraid of death. Strange but true.

The death experience To enter into a new phase you need to die first. This experience has to be difficult to be cleansing. But the point is the cleansing of the old. If you stop struggling and surrender to it will always be followed by a very tranquil heavenly state.

Basically death, purgatory, heaven. Hell is when you fight purgatory for so long that you become convinced you're lost. Even then though surrender is the way out.

There are literally hundreds of rituals intended to create and guide this experience. You did it on your own.

In a past life I have participated in a ritual where we would basically bury ourselves alive in the catacombs of the monastery for three days. After which we'd be dug up again. (Assuming no one forgot) I still have dreams where I am chewing earth and digging myself into the ground. It's like replacing myself with earth.

It was very spiritual yet very paranormal. In the following days and weeks i felt like I had learned the secrets of the universe or something. Yup, it was that extreme!

Extreme? Don't you think it was about time for someone to finally tell you the secrets of the universe?

From then on I've been pursuing what happened to me that night by using websites like wikipedia etc. It's brought me here. it's opened me up to meditation, astral projection, self awareness, positive thinking, intuition, greater creativity, psychic abilities etc. All things I had previously disregarded.

You can't ever recreate the experience. You can only create others like it. There is no clear way to do this that I know. But the best way I know is to pray, create possibility and then when they kick in, embrace and enjoy. There's going to be a lot of small kundalini movements just acknowledge them and encourage them like you would encourage a child who did something right.

Pray to your higher self, your God, your ancestors, the great spirit, the vacuum cleaner. Whatever you feel like as long as there is some form of communication which allows you to clearly express your intent to have more.

I have two or three minor experiences per day, caused by music, by good things people do to each other, memories, the sun, physical exercise. All a few seconds each. Basically I can't invoke them. But I always turn my full attention on them. Occasionally they just grow bigger and I can be sitting behind my desk just feeling orgasmic for a minute or two then continue working on whatever I'm doing.

I feel blessed because i know for other people it could've been the worse experience of their life. I think I was ready for it which is why it was so beneficial. My friends think I'm a different person.

You very likely are. That death experience is known to cause that. Especially the first time. I experienced something similar, not on LSD but on mushrooms. That kick started it for me this life, just like it did for you. I don't even have the friends I had back then any more. Some wandered off. But probably most relevant is that I just decided to move to a place where I knew I had to rebuild everything. I retained only my family and built up from there. I really am a different person.

I've used LSD since then but I realise now I don't need drugs to reach those levels of consciousness. Although in the times I've taken it since I felt what i think is pure awareness - where I could literally watch myself and feel that everyone in the room was just a reflection of me! I came to my own conclusions about subjective reality before knowing such a theory even existed!

Exactly. My theory is that the chemical jolts your system by breaking down normal functions that we take for granted. Giving you insights that otherwise would be difficult to attain. It does not turn you into a spiritual man. You were that long before even if you had convinced yourself you were not. You were primed to experience it like this. It was you. Your choices. Your agreement with your higher self. LSD was just a catalyst.

You say you came to your own conclusions about the theory of oneness. I'm more impressed by your spontaneous self initiation though

I haven't taken LSD though since a couple of months ago where I freaked myelf out. I was able to feel everyone in the rooms emotions and more than that, control their emotions. I got scared when it felt like how i can only describe as my mind catching up on itself. Almost like I was out thinking my own awareness of being aware!

This time round you didn't manage to surrender to the experience like you did with the death experience before. Part of death is fading into the surroundings like blood flowing into the ground. This was similar but interpersonal and is just harder to surrender to for social creatures like us. Peoples emotions can really overload us.

You can probably feel peoples emotions in the daily state if you're open to it. LSD repressed the filter that removes it from your attention. The filter is at work now, but so is the ability to feel other peoples emotions and influence them.

I've done the latter a lot. Going out into town I'd emit an emotion and in something like an hour people copy the emotion. Basically emotions randomly fluctuate left right up down happy sad. But if you apply a gentle push over prolonged time into a singular direction it can have drastic effects.

I haven't taken LSD since then but would still smoke. I feel like quitting alcohol and I'm not bothered about ecstacy anymore. For me and only for me i can say that drugs have been beneficial but I know that I am a rare exception. They've changed me in a positive way but I still wouldn't recommend them for anyone else... As much as that probably doesn't make sense.

I agree. It's a terrible risk to take. People have ended up in mental hospitals because of it and lost years of their lives. I know one guy who was a brilliant physicist. Right now he's packaging condoms in some factory. His mind just could not integrate the new insights.

As for alcohol, try not drinking it for a while and see how that works out for you. If I drink alcohol my energy system gets whacked for a week. It's not a big effect but it's noticeable. I started to dislike it because of that reason. I still occasionally drink though.

Since the initial awakening I've been trying to make sense of the true nature of reality.

You caused reality...
Sorry for ruining the surprise


I think you are allowed to call yourself an initiate now. You basically did what needed to be done. And since you did this to yourself without guidance, I think it's safe to assume you were an initiate in quite a few past lives. Especially since you just naturally assumed some power postures. If you feel this makes sense, tell your god/higher self/vacuum cleaner to connect your conscious reality to the knowledge of those days. It won't be instantly like "you read the books" but relevant fragments might turn up and events could happen that explain relevant information to you.

Namaste