Secret Hatreds

[Plenum]

I've been dealing with a catalyst I didn't even realise the severity of until the last few days.

It was basically a secret hatred of two people who I would consider friends.  We've shared much, and know each other quite well.

But there was some incident in both cases, brought up in conversation which triggered my hatred of these two people.

In separate incidents, something was brought up in conversation which I didn't want to acknowledge about myself - they didn't even aim it at me directly - it was purely an inadvertent mirror effect - which triggered my emotional reaction.

And so I didn't want anything to do with each individual.  I didn't say anything, I just withdrew interaction.  If I could, I would have deleted them from my life entirely, but that not being possible, I just didn't interact with them when they appeared.

This was purely a mental reaction on my part.  I associated the individuals with the part of myself I didn't want to deal with, and so I blocked that aspect from my reality.  It was a fundamental red-ray rejection of certain type of experience.

I could have gotten externally angry, and blamed the person, and caused some sort of argument.  But that's not my temperament or cultural approach.  Instead, I internalised it, and held onto the smouldering anger.  Whenever the names of those two individuals was brought up, though, I would feel revulsion and a hatred of who they were and what they represented to me.  I was not fully conscious of this, except in hindsight.  But that was my unexamined emotional reaction in play.

I have processed this catalyst - and examined the issues that I had previously associated with these two individuals.  When I think of them now, I can remember the fondness that I once did.

It is very much a case of this:

"Positive orientation then provides the will and faith to continue this mentally intense experience of letting the anger be understood, accepted, and integrated with the mind/body/spirit complex.

The other-self which is the object of anger is thus transformed into an object of acceptance, understanding, and accommodation, all being reintegrated using the great energy which anger began."

It feels good to have released this anger!

Plenum

[AnthroHeart]

I release anger soon enough, but the catalyst keeps on coming.

[Diana]

I don't usually do the kind of thing I'm going to suggest, as it just seems so New Agey. But the Ho'oponopono Prayer works for me every time I use it. Just think of the person you have any issue with and say:

I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

[Steppingfeet]

And so I didn't want anything to do with each individual.  I didn't say anything, I just withdrew interaction. 

I've wondered why you haven't been returning my calls, or emails... or why you haven't said anything about the many of-the-month-clubs I sign you up for.



So these two were never aware of the anger and hatred? You shut them out for a time, did the inner work, and resumed business as usual?

[Plenum]

I've wondered why you haven't been returning my calls, or emails... or why you haven't said anything about the many of-the-month-clubs I sign you up for.

So these two were never aware of the anger and hatred? You shut them out for a time, did the inner work, and resumed business as usual?

yes, pretty much. People who know me come to appreciate that I have cycles of engagement and detachment, and that it really doesn't have to do with them.

But that said, I do take on the veneer of disdain when I'm passing through a phase when I haven't fully acknowledged the emotional turmoil that is going on. As much as I might try to hide that, I think it's inescapable for the person at the other end not to notice that at least.

Again, it's all about ownership and being more deeply aware of one's feelings and emotions; my default approach (because of an asian upbringing and a capricorn stoicism) has been to deny those fluctuations; which has resulted in long term avoidance in dealing with what might otherwise be straightfoward and simple situations if confronted directly.

But I've definitely gotten better about these things. The tools of psychology and self-reflection definitely help here

[Plenum]

I release anger soon enough, but the catalyst keeps on coming.

well, if you don't find the core of it (via self understanding) the situation is going to arise again and again. Anger is just one of the surface indicators of deeper roots.

[Plenum]

I don't usually do the kind of thing I'm going to suggest, as it just seems so New Agey. But the Ho'oponopono Prayer works for me every time I use it. Just think of the person you have any issue with and say:

I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

cheers. That is some beautiful wisdom. The intent to forgive and to say I'm sorry is very much the opening of the doorway to resolving the conflict within the self.

[isis]

haters gonna hate

[AnthroHeart]

Wouldn't want a 5th density negative to hate on me.

[Matt1]

Everyone will always have some hate or anger at some level, conscious or not in 3rd density. We can only accept this and try to see the lesson in having those emotions in order to continue in the path of unconditional love.

[AnthroHeart]

I release anger soon enough, but the catalyst keeps on coming.

well, if you don't find the core of it (via self understanding) the situation is going to arise again and again.  Anger is just one of the surface indicators of deeper roots.

The core of it is just to not get mad. I think I'm better though. Got to work on my angry thoughts. I almost feel like acting them out.

[Monica]

I've been dealing with a catalyst I didn't even realise the severity of until the last few days.

It was basically a secret hatred of two people who I would consider friends.  We've shared much, and know each other quite well.

But there was some incident in both cases, brought up in conversation which triggered my hatred of these two people.

In separate incidents, something was brought up in conversation which I didn't want to acknowledge about myself - they didn't even aim it at me directly - it was purely an inadvertent mirror effect - which triggered my emotional reaction.

And so I didn't want anything to do with each individual.  I didn't say anything, I just withdrew interaction.  If I could, I would have deleted them from my life entirely, but that not being possible, I just didn't interact with them when they appeared.

This was purely a mental reaction on my part.  I associated the individuals with the part of myself I didn't want to deal with, and so I blocked that aspect from my reality.  It was a fundamental red-ray rejection of certain type of experience.

I could have gotten externally angry, and blamed the person, and caused some sort of argument.  But that's not my temperament or cultural approach.  Instead, I internalised it, and held onto the smouldering anger.  Whenever the names of those two individuals was brought up, though, I would feel revulsion and a hatred of who they were and what they represented to me.  I was not fully conscious of this, except in hindsight.  But that was my unexamined emotional reaction in play.

I have processed this catalyst - and examined the issues that I had previously associated with these two individuals.  When I think of them now, I can remember the fondness that I once did.

It is very much a case of this:

"Positive orientation then provides the will and faith to continue this mentally intense experience of letting the anger be understood, accepted, and integrated with the mind/body/spirit complex.

The other-self which is the object of anger is thus transformed into an object of acceptance, understanding, and accommodation, all being reintegrated using the great energy which anger began."

It feels good to have released this anger!

Plenum

You have succeeded in transmuting hatred into love! Beautiful! I'm glad you worked through it and I love how you did it. 

[Monica]

Again, it's all about ownership and being more deeply aware of one's feelings and emotions; my default approach (because of an asian upbringing and a capricorn stoicism) has been to deny those fluctuations; which has resulted in long term avoidance in dealing with what might otherwise be straightfoward and simple situations if confronted directly.

But I've definitely gotten better about these things.  The tools of psychology and self-reflection definitely help here

Since we can look at other-selves and see the Creator, and look in the mirror and see the Creator, it seems to me that both approaches are equally valid. If we are able to communicate the issue to the other-self and work it out together, then that is good...it can result in growth for both people.

But if, for whatever reason - whether that be cultural, or communication styles, or maybe the person just isn't around - we aren't able to engage the other person, then working on the issue by looking in the mirror is equally effective.

If the person isn't around, we might not be able to also work with the other person, so working on our own suppressed issues might be the only recourse. But if we are sharing the catalyst with an other-self, we still should look in the mirror too. I'm guessing that most people here would agree that, regardless of whether we are engaged with the other person, we must be willing to look in the mirror too, to get full value out of the catalyst.

This brings up a question: Is the reverse also true? If we are able to engage the other person, but choose not to for whatever reason, are we denying them an opportunity to also learn from this catalyst?

[Karl]

haters gonna hate

and ain'ters gonna ain't

[outerheaven]

Great post Plenum. I think we're definitely alike in that way. I'm really not proud of it, as I wish I could deal with it in a more productive manner -- let them know that I appreciated our time together but it's time for me to move on. Of course, anyone who has tried that approach knows it never goes as smoothly as you might think it will. I guess it's easy to see why some people prefer the "pick a huge, friendship-ending fight over some trivial issue" route.

Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out to the friends I've left behind and offer some kind of apology or explanation as to what was really going on, now that I can understand it. On the other hand, I have to wonder if such an act would be for my benefit, not theirs?

I've never done it thus far. Energetically, I try to offer them my apologies/forgiveness/love and hope they can move on in a productive manner. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to do.

[Plenum]

Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out to the friends I've left behind and offer some kind of apology or explanation as to what was really going on, now that I can understand it. On the other hand, I have to wonder if such an act would be for my benefit, not theirs?

I've never done it thus far. Energetically, I try to offer them my apologies/forgiveness/love and hope they can move on in a productive manner. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to do.

yeah, it's not something that's easily appreciated, as you also mentioned.

I guess the true test of forgiveness/inner balance is that one is able to think of that person - or a possible interaction with that person - and only loving, affectionate thoughts come to mind.  Rather than the usual - point scoring, I'll have the perfect reply for your position, I'll show you - type thinking when we are still trying to win an argument against a nonpresent individual.  Ie, we are really just arguing with our own memories in trying to process some quality/emotion.

To speak to your specific point, though, about reaching out; it's definitely easier with mediums like facebook in place.  But my feeling is that in elaborating a reply describing what you felt, it may be like referencing a fault or criticism, and somehow shifting some of the blame onto them, even though you are willing to own up to it all on your side.  

[Plenum]

This brings up a question: Is the reverse also true? If we are able to engage the other person, but choose not to for whatever reason, are we denying them an opportunity to also learn from this catalyst?

there's definitely a case for honest reflection for others too.  Especially if one is in a working relationship, it can be critical to address catalyst/conflict situations face-to-face, rather than letting it go uncommented on.

[isis]

[i f*** up.]

[AnthroHeart]

I love everyone on bring4th.

[isis]

[i f*** up.]

[Minyatur]

I've never hated anyone in this lifetime so I can't say much except this :

[AnthroHeart]

I've never hated anyone in this lifetime so I can't say much except this :

I said I hate ferrets but I didn't really mean it. I don't really hate anything.

Lovely heart.

[Plenum]

I hate someone & I want to delete them from my life entirely & unfortunately the only way for me to do that is to leave b4.

I can't reply to specifics,  but maybe one last thing you could try is this:

Reversing the Projection

1. get a blank sheet of paper
2. start making a list
3. at the top of the list write: "I hate (insert person's name) because they ..."
4. start filling in the list with everything you hate about them
5. look at the list and be proud of it

Unfortunately, step 6 is not something most people want to hear.

if you don't want to know it, please close this browser screen *immediately*.

I also recommend you make the list before seeing step 6.
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<secret reveal coming>

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<secret reveal soon ....>

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<Plenum is a tease ...>


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<ok, the reveal ...>

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step 6.  at the top of the list where it says: "I hate (insert person's name) because they ..."

cross out the (person's name), and insert "myself".  Cross out 'they', and insert 'I'.

The top of the column should now read: "I hate myself because I ..."

step 7.  If you are truly honest, you'll see that you only hate the other person because there is something unforgiven in yourself that you can't own up to or acknowledge.  That's why it's being projected onto the other person.

- -

this sounds like it can't possibly work or be true.  But I've applied this technique (and it's validated in many psychological circles), and it's the Ultimate technique to dealing with irritation and anger and upsets at other people.  It doesn't work for everything, but it works particularly well when the other person has become an object of Hatred.

[isis]

I think that hate is just a loaded word for strongly disliking something. I think we've all hated at one time or another.

When I was a little one I was a picky eater. If I would say I hated a certain food I would get trouble. I grew up not being allowed to use the word...I think that's why I'm so quick to use it in my adult life.

I love the word. I love allowing myself to hate. I don't feel ashamed for hating.

[AnthroHeart]

I hate that I'm so easily manipulated by others.

[isis]

I hate people that litter.

[Minyatur]

I would say when you say you hate someone, it seems sad.

[isis]

I would say when you say you hate someone, it seems sad.

Disliking something is sad but it's not like you can help it. It's too bad we have to dislike anything. Hate is just another word for dislike or loathe or detest or despise or abhor & etc.

[Berilac Sandydowns]

...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

[Plenum]

Sorry but that translates into a whole lot of BS to me.

np.  

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