[Shower question] Why do we have to fight the urge to do bad things?

[Lighthead]

It's been a long time! How has everybody been? Good...been doin' good...

I had a really deep question. I was going to ask this question on Reddit (where I've been spending a lot of my time lately), but I decided to ask it here. Who better to ask than my spiritual family?

The question: Why do we have to fight the urge to do and/or think bad things? It seems that everything that we have to fight against internally has to do with something bad in some general way or perhaps specifically. Just some examples: A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to yell or hit somebody who annoys us. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to laugh at someone we feel contempt for. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to put bad things in our body. A lot of us men tend to have to fight the urge to sleep with some random person. A lot of women tend to have to fight the urge (this might be bordering on a stereotype) to fall in love with a random guy (or gal?) that is no good for them. So as we can see, we seem to have to fight the urge to do a lot of things that are bad. I'm pretty sure that you can all come up with some other ones. It's not hard to find one once you really think about it.

What led me to have this internal dialogue is that I started realizing that I recently tended to be fascinated by racist things. Whether I believed them to be true is another story, but I tended to be drawn towards these things and I came to realize that maybe I was taking the path of least resistance and I started taking a real deep look at why I was drawn towards this.

So, to iterate, my question is what is this deeper thing that makes us drawn to what is bad? I personally don't think that it's just our primitive mind because, according to Ra, once we get to 4th density, we have a long, potential path of being STS if we stick with these bad decisions. But I guess that some of them are primitive, such as having a hankering for things that are really sweet.

I also think that it would help if someone knew a relevant Ra quote to what I'm talking about. I would look for it (or them) right now, but it's kind of late here and I have to go to bed soon.

But anyway, I'm glad to be back and I hope to hear your comments!

[spero]

i imagine social or personal pressures to curb undesirable behaviour leads to unexplored facets of the self. sometimes you can only really develop a healthy expression of a desire by experiencing, exploring and allowing yourself to come to terms with it. by delaying the exploration of these desires or experiencing feelings of restriction around expressing them, they can build up, which results in fixations and compensatory actions to tangentally explore the ideas through several masks or layers.

if your fighting an urge, is it inherently a 'bad' desire or have u previously been conditioned to repress said behaviour till it builds to an unhealthy level and explosively manifests at certain triggers

18.5 Questioner: Thank you. I have a question here from Jim that I will read verbatim: “Much of the mystic tradition of seeking on Earth holds that belief that the individual self must be erased or obliterated and the material world ignored for an entity to reach ‘nirvana,’ as it’s called, or enlightenment. What is the proper role of the individual self and its worldly activities in aiding an entity to grow more into the Law of One?”

Ra: I am Ra. The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away.

The orientation develops due to analysis of desire. These desires become more and more distorted towards conscious application of love/light as the entity furnishes itself with distilled experience. We have found it to be inappropriate in the extreme to encourage the overcoming of any desires, except to suggest the imagination rather than the carrying out in the physical plane, as you call it, of those desires not consonant with the Law of One; this preserving the primal distortion of free will.

The reason it is unwise to overcome is that overcoming is an unbalanced action creating difficulties in balancing in the time/space continuum. Overcoming thus creates the further environment for holding onto that which apparently has been overcome.

All things are acceptable in the proper time for each entity, and in experiencing, in understanding, in accepting, in then sharing with other-selves, the appropriate description shall be moving away from distortions of one kind to distortions of another which may be more consonant with the Law of One.

It is, shall we say, a shortcut to simply ignore or overcome any desire. It must instead be understood and accepted. This takes patience and experience which can be analyzed with care, with compassion for self and for other-self.

an example would be the idea of sexual promiscuity. in some societies the more conservative elements brand free expression of sexuality with a stigma, and this is even present or founded within spiritual traditions which may deny sexual practises or seek to curtail them to paired lifelong couplings such as in marriage. however, ra's experience of 3D was them running around like free-loving hippy preists and their current perception of our idea of marriage refers to them as adversary-relationships. So i guess what im saying is the society you're born into will largely dictate which desires or urges are considered undesirable or to be suppressed but this repression or funnelling of urges along certain paths often creates additional problems and ruins the fun for everyone in the long run.

88.14 Questioner: Was the concept given to— let me ask— you say it originated there… was this concept devised for a training tool for those inhabiting Venus at that time or was it devised by those of Venus as a training tool for those of Earth?

Ra: I am Ra. The tarot was devised by the third-density population of Venus a great measure of your space/time in your past. As we have noted the third-density experience of those of Venus dealt far more deeply and harmoniously with what you would call relationships with other-selves, sexual energy transfer work, and philosophical or metaphysical research. The product of many, many generations of work upon what we conceived to be the archetypical mind produced the tarot which was used by our peoples as a training aid in developing the magical personality.

31.16 Questioner: I just need to know if this then works through the racial memory to infect the entire population in some way. Does that sort of thing happen?

Ra: I am Ra. The racial memory contains all that has been experienced. Thus there is some, shall we say, contamination even of the sexual, this showing mostly in your own culture as the various predispositions to adversary relationships, or, as you call them, marriages, rather than the free giving one to another in the love and the light of the Infinite Creator.

[Minyatur]

STS still includes control of these things.

6.11 Questioner: Then are you saying that if a negatively polarized or polarizing entity is unable to control his own anger or unable to control himself in anger that he may cause cancer? Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is quite correct. The negative polarization contains a great requirement for control and repression

46.10 Questioner: Then as I understand it you are saying that if the positively polarizing entity fails to accept the other-self or if the negatively polarizing entity fails to control the other-self, either of these conditions will cause cancer, possibly. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is partially correct. The first acceptance, or control depending upon polarity, is of the self. Anger is one of many things to be accepted and loved as a part of self or controlled as a part of self, if the entity is to do work.

Control is the key to negatively polarized use of catalyst. Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst. Between these polarities lies the potential for this random and undirected energy creating a bodily complex analog of what you call the cancerous growth of tissue.

As such the STO way would be to accept and love these facets of self. The STS way would be to control/repress them and enable them when they are useful for self to be used.

[Minyatur]

Not sure I am fighting any urge to do anything.

Laziness is bliss as happiness is found in not doing anything relevant.

[Stranger]

Lighthead, I would say it's the single most frustrating experience for anyone trying to consciously follow the STO path. I asked my guides about this long ago, and the answer I received is that the ego (which pulls us toward all of these unwholesome things that are bad for us in the long term) is like a set of weights at the gym. It's resistance designed to make us stronger.

As to the origins of these impulses - before becoming united with our immortal spirit in 3rd density , the animal vehicles we inhabit have undergone millions upon millions of years of experience of life as tiny, vulnerable, nearly defenseless, apparently separate beings in constant search of the means to fulfill their biological needs. Suddenly as we enter 3D this is overlaid with a higher consciousness, which does not know lack but knows love, and wants only to share it with its other-selves. But those millions of years of deep conditioning are not easily dismissed. At every turn there are obstacles because our egos truly don't get it - they can't get it -- that the Universe is not as it appears to the ego to be. The ego is not defined by selfishness - it's defined by the pervasive belief in one's separateness and vulnerability, and the ways in which these beliefs come to dominate our lives, our thoughts, our choices and actions. This was a message my guides have impressed upon me quite strongly recently.

When attempting to deal with a recurring negative impulse, I find that it seems very difficult until it doesn't. At first it requires a great deal of effort to let something go that bothers us despite the screaming of the ego that we should react with distress or efforts to control others -- but if we expend that effort and consistently choose to deal with it through love and acceptance (for ourselves and others), our defaults change. The same occurrence does not bother us anymore, or bothers us significantly less; it becomes much easier and ultimately automatic to find love in that same situation which had earlier caused so much impulsive distress.

I think this is what Ra talks about when he describes each density as being comprised of an infinite number of sub (and sub-sub-, etc.) densities. As we make consistent choices toward either STO or STS, we are subtly altering the very structure of our personality which defines our automatic reactions to catalyst. Every one of these little steps is a transformed aspect of the ego, and the "new setting" allows more light to stream in. We experience this as an increased default level of joy. This is how spiritual progress means following your bliss.

Here are a couple of relevant entries from my personal experience:
"I was feeling stressed and worried this morning, but after I got to my office, I started meditating and feeling better. While meditating, there was a knock on my door - and, amazingly, another student came by to help me with a difficult problem, even though I did not ask or arrange to meet with him.

Then, later, I said: "God, I just want your peace.  Nothing else matters, let it be as it is, I just want your peace."  A little bit later, I said, "Thank you, Father, for the challenges you are sending me.  They are a wonderful opportunity to practice loving You. "  And I focused on loving him (within myself - not "out there" somewhere, but my true self which my ego is borrowing and calling its own) and thanking him for everything I had, even that my challenges were interesting ones and not real problems.  And I felt peaceful, happy and relaxed, with a wonderful warmth in the center of my chest (which is the feeling of love).  "

And a direct message from my guides in answer to frustration with self for difficulties in successfully dealing with my ego:
"It's catalyst. Find love for yourself when you begin to hate yourself or feel frustrated with yourself. Plod along, placing one foot in front of the other, over and over again. Like meditation. Fall and get up, get up, again get up, keep getting up. Learn to love the heavy bag of ego on your shoulders, appreciate its service of helping you build inner strength. Love the world despite it. Keep walking, taking steps, one after another, until you run out of road to walk. Then rest."

TL;DR Life is one big workout at the spiritual gym, and you need weights (resistance) for a good workout.

[AnthroHeart]

Not sure I am fighting any urge to do anything.

Laziness is bliss as happiness is found in not doing anything relevant.

My mom can't understand why I feel this way too.

[Aion]

I would actually flip the questioning around, why do we have to avoid doing good things? How many people have had the opportunity to be of service yet chose not to out of comfort?

The problem is that everyone decides for themselves what exactly is good or bad.

My questioning leads me to question both apparently 'good' and 'bad' impulses so I don't really have this bias towards 'bad' things because I also question good things. I think the bigger questioning is why do we do anything? Why do you get this impulse to do this or that thing? The qualifications of 'good' and 'bad' are added after the fact.

When the impulse is just the impulse I find it easy to question its source within myself. I don't believe impulses are 'random' so when I ask myself, 'why?', I receive an answer. I've experienced it that the more I believe things are random, the less responsive my internal self is to questioning. Your sub-conscious mind will give you answers that are most comfortable for your belief system, I think, so the more you are willing to see your own internal structure and penetrate 'random' with focus, the more your impulses will make sense.

Of course, there is the very dominant social meme of 'Just do it!'. I, personally, prefer to think about my impulses before engaging in them.

Relevant Quotes here regarding the Experience of the Mind

http://www.lawofone.info/results.php?s=94

And here regarding the Significator of the Mind

http://www.lawofone.info/results.php?s=97

94.15 Questioner: In the fourth archetype the card shows a male whose body faces forward. I assume this indicates that the Experience of the Mind will reach for catalyst. However, the face is to the left, indicating to me that in reaching for catalyst, negative catalyst will be more apparent in its power and effect than the positive. Would Ra comment on this?

Ra: I am Ra. The archetype of Experience of the Mind reaches not, O student, but with firm authority grasps what it is given. The remainder of your remarks are perceptive.

97.11 Questioner: The entity looks to the left, indicating that the mind has the tendency to notice more easily the negative catalyst or negative essence of its environment. Would Ra comment on that observation?

Ra: I am Ra. This is substantially correct.

94.11 Questioner: I have drawn a small diagram in which I simply show an arrow which represents catalyst penetrating a line at right angles to the arrow, which is the veil, and then depositing in one of two repositories, one which I would call on the right-hand path, one on the left-hand path; and I have labeled these two repositories for the catalytic action as it’s filtered through the veil “the Experience.” Would this be a very rough analogy of the way the catalyst is filtered through the veil to become experience?

Ra: I am Ra. Again, you are partially correct. The deeper biases of a mind/body/spirit complex pilot the catalyst around the many isles of positivity and negativity as expressed in the archipelago of the deeper mind. However, the analogy is incorrect in that it does not take into account the further polarization which most certainly is available to the conscious mind after it has perceived the partially polarized catalyst from the deeper mind.

94.12 Questioner: It seems to me that the Experience of the Mind would act in such a way as to change the nature of the veil so that catalyst would be filtered so as to be more acceptable in the bias that is increasingly chosen by the entity. For instance, if the entity had chosen the right-hand path the Experience of the Mind would change the permeability of the veil to accept more and more positive catalyst, and also the other would be true for accepting more negative if the left-hand path were the one that was repeatedly chosen. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is not only correct but there is a further ramification. As the entity increases in experience it shall, more and more, choose positive interpretations of catalyst if it is upon the service-to-others path and negative interpretations of catalyst if its experience has been along the service-to-self path.

94.20 Questioner: The magical shape is on the right edge of the card indicating to me that the spiritual significance is on the right edge of the card, indicating to me that the spiritual experience would be the right-hand path. Could Ra comment on that?

Ra: I am Ra. Yes. The figure is expressing the nature of experience by having its attention caught by what may be termed the left-hand catalyst. Meanwhile, the power, the magic, is available upon the right-hand path.

The nature of experience is such that the attention shall be constantly given varieties of experience. Those that are presumed to be negative, or interpreted as negative, may seem in abundance. It is a great challenge to take catalyst and devise the magical, positive experience. That which is magical in the negative experience is much longer coming, shall we say, in the third density.

So, I think it isn't that we have to 'fight the bad urges' but rather I believe on a subconscious level we are aware of both the good and the bad so the 'fight' is actually the process of 'choosing'. The challenge being that the 'bad' appears so much more readily yet since the mind knows there is also good it reaches for that and thus we have the combat between urges.

It seems those who readily grasp seemingly 'bad' urges likely do not view those urges as bad in the first place. They may even view seemingly positive urges in the minds of others as negative based on their belief system.

Thus, you struggle because you are aware of the polarities and their natural incompatibility.

[Lighthead]

Lighthead, I would say it's the single most frustrating experience for anyone trying to consciously follow the STO path.  I asked my guides about this long ago, and the answer I received is that the ego (which pulls us toward all of these unwholesome things that are bad for us in the long term) is like a set of weights at the gym.  It's resistance designed to make us stronger.

I like your idea about resistance. It makes me think of Steven Pressfield's The War of Art. I still haven't read his book, but I saw him on the Oprah network and it looked interesting. 

As to the origins of these impulses - before becoming united with our immortal spirit in 3rd density , the animal vehicles we inhabit have undergone millions upon millions of years of experience of life as tiny, vulnerable, nearly defenseless, apparently separate beings in constant search of the means to fulfill their biological needs.  Suddenly as we enter 3D this is overlaid with a higher consciousness, which does not know lack but knows love, and wants only to share it with its other-selves.  But those millions of years of deep conditioning are not easily dismissed.  At every turn there are obstacles because our egos truly don't get it - they can't get it -- that the Universe is not as it appears to the ego to be.  The ego is not defined by selfishness - it's defined by the pervasive belief in one's separateness and vulnerability, and the ways in which these beliefs come to dominate our lives, our thoughts, our choices and actions.  This was a message my guides have impressed upon me quite strongly recently.

When attempting to deal with a recurring negative impulse, I find that it seems very difficult until it doesn't.  At first it requires a great deal of effort to let something go that bothers us despite the screaming of the ego that we should react with distress or efforts to control others -- but if we expend that effort and consistently choose to deal with it through love and acceptance (for ourselves and others), our defaults change.  The same occurrence does not bother us anymore, or bothers us significantly less; it becomes much easier and ultimately automatic to find love in that same situation which had earlier caused so much impulsive distress.

I think this is what Ra talks about when he describes each density as being comprised of an infinite number of sub (and sub-sub-, etc.) densities.  As we make consistent choices toward either STO or STS, we are subtly altering the very structure of our personality which defines our automatic reactions to catalyst.  Every one of these little steps is a transformed aspect of the ego, and the "new setting" allows more light to stream in.  We experience this as an increased default level of joy.  This is how spiritual progress means following your bliss.

I think that the last part of what you wrote here that I italicized is interesting. Do you find that it's easier to intend wanting to be STO because to me feeling love and acceptance for something or someone or, better yet, a thought that originated within me that I know is wrong seems kind of meaningless. It seems that I have to start somewhere and having love and acceptance towards something seems to me to be at the intermediate phase.

[Lighthead]

Aion, I really enjoyed your reply! I got a lot out of it and you seem to have a real knack at getting to the heart of the matter. No doubt, your studying of the LOO material has helped you to grasp those insights. Thanks!

[AnthroHeart]

Sometimes, doing bad things just seems like the right thing to do.

[Plenum]

The question: Why do we have to fight the urge to do and/or think bad things? It seems that everything that we have to fight against internally has to do with something bad in some general way or perhaps specifically. Just some examples: A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to yell or hit somebody who annoys us. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to laugh at someone we feel contempt for. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to put bad things in our body. A lot of us men tend to have to fight the urge to sleep with some random person. A lot of women tend to have to fight the urge (this might be bordering on a stereotype) to fall in love with a random guy (or gal?) that is no good for them. So as we can see, we seem to have to fight the urge to do a lot of things that are bad. I'm pretty sure that you can all come up with some other ones. It's not hard to find one once you really think about it.

I would probably broaden the question a bit more, and put it in a bigger framework.  

My feeling is that we all have a philosophical framework in our mind, and then reality and our experience present questions to that framework.  Most notably this can be seen in the Catalyst cards in the major arcana.

These 'questions' basically test the limits of our understanding, and then ask us how we want to respond.  So called 'bad things' would seemingly be at odds with our framework, and yet we don't quite know why.  And so the thoughts and the process of thinking gets triggered.  We can choose to act it out, to get more 'real' feedback, or we can try to process it internally, without going through with the action, which could have more lasting consequences for ourselves and others.  Either way, the 'questions' have to be addressed; if it's suppressed, it arises in other situations and scenarios.

[Lighthead]

The question: Why do we have to fight the urge to do and/or think bad things? It seems that everything that we have to fight against internally has to do with something bad in some general way or perhaps specifically. Just some examples: A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to yell or hit somebody who annoys us. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to laugh at someone we feel contempt for. A lot of us tend to have to fight the urge to put bad things in our body. A lot of us men tend to have to fight the urge to sleep with some random person. A lot of women tend to have to fight the urge (this might be bordering on a stereotype) to fall in love with a random guy (or gal?) that is no good for them. So as we can see, we seem to have to fight the urge to do a lot of things that are bad. I'm pretty sure that you can all come up with some other ones. It's not hard to find one once you really think about it.

I would probably broaden the question a bit more, and put it in a bigger framework.  

My feeling is that we all have a philosophical framework in our mind, and then reality and our experience present questions to that framework.  Most notably this can be seen in the Catalyst cards in the major arcana.

These 'questions' basically test the limits of our understanding, and then ask us how we want to respond.  So called 'bad things' would seemingly be at odds with our framework, and yet we don't quite know why.  And so the thoughts and the process of thinking gets triggered.  We can choose to act it out, to get more 'real' feedback, or we can try to process it internally, without going through with the action, which could have more lasting consequences for ourselves and others.  Either way, the 'questions' have to be addressed; if it's suppressed, it arises in other situations and scenarios.

Right. I have to get back into that frame of mind of seeing everything pretty much as catalyst. For a while after the forums I actually became atheist. But, to be honest, I guess that I could even see that experience as catalyst.

[Plenum]

yeah, one could say that 3d is nothing but catalyst

and atheism is a pretty sound point of view if it's contrasted with the mainstream alternatives.  That is, major religions, and minor cults.

[Lighthead]

yeah, one could say that 3d is nothing but catalyst

and atheism is a pretty sound point of view if it's contrasted with the mainstream alternatives.  That is, major religions, and minor cults.

After atheism I actually came to adopt a sort of pluralistic paradigm where what you believe helps construct your reality. I started to believe this after getting real deep into investigating the spiritual and philosophical implications of quantum mechanics. But that's a whole 'nother issue. I don't want to see this thread get split.

[Adonai One]

The bad is not seen but shall be seen in all things and for all eternity;
The good is seen but shall not be seen in all things and for all eternity;
This is my Law of One.

[Stranger]

I think that the last part of what you wrote here that I italicized is interesting. Do you find that it's easier to intend wanting to be STO because to me feeling love and acceptance for something or someone or, better yet, a thought that originated within me that I know is wrong seems kind of meaningless. It seems that I have to start somewhere and having love and acceptance towards something seems to me to be at the intermediate phase.

The energy we put out defines our level of spiritual progress.  So there is no circumstance under which radiating love is meaningless.  

For me personally, "intending to be STO" is far too abstract.  I find more useful the question of: what does that translate into at this moment?  And for me, at every moment, the challenge is to find peace, kindness and acceptance rather than control (and fighting against something is control).  That is the essence of STO.

If loving is difficult - and it can be - nonjudgmental, unconditional acceptance is an excellent stepping stone. Acceptance means not fighting against, physically or emotionally/psychologically. Not condemning. Allowing it to be as it is. At the same time, discerning its helpful or unhelpful nature, and responding accordingly but without negative emotion. I hope that makes sense.

Without knowing more about the specifics of what you are working on, it is difficult to say more.

P.S. I don't think loving the "bad thought" is necessary. Loving (or fully accepting) oneself and the other is the key.

[Adonai One]

Meaning negates love as the first distortion of all things: Will is meaning; To release the will is to love.

Count not the meaning, count nothing if one is to love the most high.

[Lighthead]

Without knowing more about the specifics of what you are working on, it is difficult to say more.

Well what I'm dealing with the most are anger issues and I actually tend to feel, what I think is too much of an affinity for institutions that are all about controlling by means of fear, paranoia and hatred. I, logically, tend to agree with these institutions, but deep down inside it doesn't seem for me to be the way to go.

My intuition tells me that I'm a Wanderer, but that I'm actually an STS Wanderer. The reason I think this is because there are too many circumstances in my life that seem to be programmed to incline me towards STS and that, essentially, are designed to make me harder. I also feel extremely tempted to go down that path almost all the time. But there's another part of me (like a little voice inside) that tells me that I should start working on being STO. I mean, if I incarnated into a world that is predominantly STO (as Ra says), then maybe I should not work against the tide and go with the flow of being Service to Others.

I don't know if that gives you a better idea of my situation.

[Stranger]

Lighthead, it seems that resolving your ambivalence about STS institutions will be important. Until then, it may be difficult to move any distance in either direction.

STS institutions are STS institutions because their actions intentionally create suffering in people. Any appeal of these institutions therefore depends on seeing those who suffer as "not self" in some sense, or as deserving it - a disengagement of empathy. Now, since we know that all is truly One, imagine that it is you, or someone you deeply care about, that these institutions are grinding under their gears. Recognizing that there is no essential difference between you and the victims - except accident of birth and circumstances - and that it very well could have been you may help you see things in a different light.

[Aion]

Without knowing more about the specifics of what you are working on, it is difficult to say more.

Well what I'm dealing with the most are anger issues and I actually tend to feel, what I think is too much of an affinity for institutions that are all about controlling by means of fear, paranoia and hatred. I, logically, tend to agree with these institutions, but deep down inside it doesn't seem for me to be the way to go.

My intuition tells me that I'm a Wanderer, but that I'm actually an STS Wanderer. The reason I think this is because there are too many circumstances in my life that seem to be programmed to incline me towards STS and that, essentially, are designed to make me harder. I also feel extremely tempted to go down that path almost all the time. But there's another part of me (like a little voice inside) that tells me that I should start working on being STO. I mean, if I incarnated into a world that is predominantly STO (as Ra says), then maybe I should not work against the tide and go with the flow of being Service to Others.

I don't know if that gives you a better idea of my situation.

Penetrate again to the heart. What is anger? Anger is an energy, it's an energy motion (emotion). However, I might suggest that the problem isn't that the anger is there, it is that it is never moving, it has become 'stuck'.

Anger is actually the same energy that all the emotions are expressions of.

In fact, anger occurs when this energy is unable to move, I believe. Ra described it that we receive energy from two directions - from below and from above. From below we receive only energy from the planet, the Creator. From above we can receive from anywhere and anyone.

I have discovered that anger issues almost always root in the lowest parts of the self, in the bowels. That then stifles the flow of upward moving energy which then produces anger because the cells of the body are not operating in unison, this there is dissonance and energy is lost in chaos. This is anger. It is not a specific thing in itself, it is something which appears as a result of a configuration of the self. If you looked at the 'energy' of anger, you would just see a geometry.

The questioning leads us to think of how that energy meshes with the 'rest', of your energy. It has been suggested that lower emotions operate at lower frequency rates and higher is higher. I believe that it is all one flow though. Just like how an instrument (such as the body) makes many different notes yet they are all simply the vibration of the air. I think emotion is like the air but our experience of those is like music. Something we perceive in it according to our state.

There may be times you hold a vibration which at one point was locked in anger but now is not. Thus, the self is liberated by the release of vibrations. In other words, blockages almost always occur when there is a need for expression.

The question then is, what do you really want to say? I might suggest that trying to abandon your beliefs might be futile. In contrast, I, personally, would go through the effort to write out or lay out my entire belief system to myself in full honesty, no matter what form it takes.

Then I ask myself, 'is this what I WANT or is it merely a convenient way to justify my emotions?'

The task then is unearthing and freeing that energy of anger which once done will become something different. Might I suggest that the energy that becomes anger begins as passion? Passion when stifled becomes angry, but passion that is free flows in to all the realms of love and beauty and we call this art in all its forms. Maybe expressing your anger through art would help to reveal what is beneath the anger? The anger is not the truth, it is temporary. What is truly there is at the heart of yourself.

[Lighthead]

Lighthead, it seems that resolving your ambivalence about STS institutions will be important.  Until then, it may be difficult to move any distance in either direction.

STS institutions are STS institutions because their actions intentionally create suffering in people.  Any appeal of these institutions therefore depends on seeing those who suffer as "not self" in some sense, or as deserving it - a disengagement of empathy.  Now, since we know that all is truly One, imagine that it is you, or someone you deeply care about, that these institutions are grinding under their gears.  Recognizing that there is no essential difference between you and the victims - except accident of birth and circumstances - and that it very well could have been you may help you see things in a different light.

Yeah, I have to think real deeply about why I am drawn towards them. I'm not really a violent person, so it's not really that I want to see anybody physically suffer. And then I think about this tough economic situation that I've had to go through and wouldn't wish that upon anyone. And I'm also not sure if it's the romanticization in the media of someone who's typically STS that I'm drawn to. Like the way the media romanticizes psychopaths. I am very deeply fascinated by psychopaths. I sometimes even think that it's because I'm a Scorpio. I think that a lot of Scorpios are psychopaths deep inside. Or maybe I've convinced myself of that, I don't know. But there have been some really dark, twisted Scorpios that I've known.

[Lighthead]

The task then is unearthing and freeing that energy of anger which once done will become something different. Might I suggest that the energy that becomes anger begins as passion? Passion when stifled becomes angry, but passion that is free flows in to all the realms of love and beauty and we call this art in all its forms. Maybe expressing your anger through art would help to reveal what is beneath the anger? The anger is not the truth, it is temporary. What is truly there is at the heart of yourself.

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. The last time that I experienced anger was when I was trying to express something that I was somewhat passionate about. And when I look back, that's how all my anger starts out. My anger is usually felt on a one-to-one basis. I never feel anything like existential anger. At least not often. I'll definitely try those exercises you suggested. Thanks.

[Aion]

The task then is unearthing and freeing that energy of anger which once done will become something different. Might I suggest that the energy that becomes anger begins as passion? Passion when stifled becomes angry, but passion that is free flows in to all the realms of love and beauty and we call this art in all its forms. Maybe expressing your anger through art would help to reveal what is beneath the anger? The anger is not the truth, it is temporary. What is truly there is at the heart of yourself.

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. The last time that I experienced anger was when I was trying to express something that I was somewhat passionate about. And when I look back, that's how all my anger starts out. My anger is usually felt on a one-to-one basis. I never feel anything like existential anger. At least not often. I'll definitely try those exercises you suggested. Thanks.

I am familiar because anger has been one of my own personal demons for a long time and it took me awhile to realize that it is actually empty and once it moves it becomes something totally different. You have to look past the anger to the heart of the impulse. The impulse produces energy. That energy needs to move through your system to be released so new energy can enter. When energy isn't released it 'backs up' incoming energy which is then distorted and entrained to the vibration of the stuck energy.

Thus, a creative flow occurs when energy is continuously released and thus new energy, and thus inspiration, enters the system undistorted. When you have attachments to anger (consider that you might actually just be comfortable being angry so it is a 'go to' emotion in certain situations) all the energy that comes in to your system then gets some colouring from that anger which distorts it. This is, I believe, the true meaning behind being 'free of emotions' as suggested in many Eastern paths.

It is not that emotion needs to be stopped or held back, it is that it needs to be released so the waters of the emotions can become a smooth flow rather than a turpid rapid flowing over many boulders. Hence all the many forms of meditation which, I believe, are actually about emotional movement. Once the emotions move and the mind is focused the flow is unstoppable.

[Lighthead]

The task then is unearthing and freeing that energy of anger which once done will become something different. Might I suggest that the energy that becomes anger begins as passion? Passion when stifled becomes angry, but passion that is free flows in to all the realms of love and beauty and we call this art in all its forms. Maybe expressing your anger through art would help to reveal what is beneath the anger? The anger is not the truth, it is temporary. What is truly there is at the heart of yourself.

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. The last time that I experienced anger was when I was trying to express something that I was somewhat passionate about. And when I look back, that's how all my anger starts out. My anger is usually felt on a one-to-one basis. I never feel anything like existential anger. At least not often. I'll definitely try those exercises you suggested. Thanks.

I am familiar because anger has been one of my own personal demons for a long time and it took me awhile to realize that it is actually empty and once it moves it becomes something totally different. You have to look past the anger to the heart of the impulse. The impulse produces energy. That energy needs to move through your system to be released so new energy can enter. When energy isn't released it 'backs up' incoming energy which is then distorted and entrained to the vibration of the stuck energy.

Thus, a creative flow occurs when energy is continuously released and thus new energy, and thus inspiration, enters the system undistorted. When you have attachments to anger (consider that you might actually just be comfortable being angry so it is a 'go to' emotion in certain situations) all the energy that comes in to your system then gets some colouring from that anger which distorts it. This is, I believe, the true meaning behind being 'free of emotions' as suggested in many Eastern paths.

It is not that emotion needs to be stopped or held back, it is that it needs to be released so the waters of the emotions can become a smooth flow rather than a turpid rapid flowing over many boulders. Hence all the many forms of meditation which, I believe, are actually about emotional movement. Once the emotions move and the mind is focused the flow is unstoppable.

Thanks. That really helps a lot. I had a side question about meditation. Why do I feel that meditation is something that you can get addicted to, like a drug? I was doing really well with my meditation for a few months. And then I had some setbacks because of a medication I was taking and I quit meditating for a while because of something else and I literally felt that I was going through withdrawals from not meditating. Ever since then, I've had an aversion to meditating. I want to do something that's natural and not be dependent upon it. I've sort of tried to merge that meditative state (or, hopefully, something that transcends it) into my natural, waking awareness, but it's sort of difficult if you are not literally meditating. I wonder if you had any insight about that.

[Aion]

The task then is unearthing and freeing that energy of anger which once done will become something different. Might I suggest that the energy that becomes anger begins as passion? Passion when stifled becomes angry, but passion that is free flows in to all the realms of love and beauty and we call this art in all its forms. Maybe expressing your anger through art would help to reveal what is beneath the anger? The anger is not the truth, it is temporary. What is truly there is at the heart of yourself.

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. The last time that I experienced anger was when I was trying to express something that I was somewhat passionate about. And when I look back, that's how all my anger starts out. My anger is usually felt on a one-to-one basis. I never feel anything like existential anger. At least not often. I'll definitely try those exercises you suggested. Thanks.

I am familiar because anger has been one of my own personal demons for a long time and it took me awhile to realize that it is actually empty and once it moves it becomes something totally different. You have to look past the anger to the heart of the impulse. The impulse produces energy. That energy needs to move through your system to be released so new energy can enter. When energy isn't released it 'backs up' incoming energy which is then distorted and entrained to the vibration of the stuck energy.

Thus, a creative flow occurs when energy is continuously released and thus new energy, and thus inspiration, enters the system undistorted. When you have attachments to anger (consider that you might actually just be comfortable being angry so it is a 'go to' emotion in certain situations) all the energy that comes in to your system then gets some colouring from that anger which distorts it. This is, I believe, the true meaning behind being 'free of emotions' as suggested in many Eastern paths.

It is not that emotion needs to be stopped or held back, it is that it needs to be released so the waters of the emotions can become a smooth flow rather than a turpid rapid flowing over many boulders. Hence all the many forms of meditation which, I believe, are actually about emotional movement. Once the emotions move and the mind is focused the flow is unstoppable.

Thanks. That really helps a lot. I had a side question about meditation. Why do I feel that meditation is something that you can get addicted to, like a drug? I was doing really well with my meditation for a few months. And then I had some setbacks because of a medication I was taking and I quit meditating for a while because of something else and I literally felt that I was going through withdrawals from not meditating. Ever since then, I've had an aversion to meditating. I want to do something that's natural and not be dependent upon it. I've sort of tried to merge that meditative state (or, hopefully, something that transcends it) into my natural, waking awareness, but it's sort of difficult if you are not literally meditating. I wonder if you had any insight about that.

I consider meditation to be focus. The question is what is one focusing on? The more abstract forms of meditation are often believed to be spiritual in orientation because they enable one to focus on non-local concepts and this they consider to be more in line with spirit.

It is funny how you suggest you want to do something natural. I think meditation is like exercise or hygiene. It's a way to hone and sharpen the sense, mind, body and emotions in many different ways.

Consider that you are a constantly changing entity. You are not static. You are constantly going through fluxes, interacting with new entities and exchanging energies on many levels, whether you are aware of it or not. Thus, meditating is a method of 'equalization' to borrow from music recording concepts. It's the same faculty that is engaged with 'practice' when you do anything.

There is an idea I encountered from a Buddhist which went 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes'. The suggestion there being to be focused upon what is immediately in front of you, to focus entirely on whichever task you are set on whether that is abtract, metaphysical or concrete, physical.

So, I found that meditating is actually a natural method of mental and emotional balancing and release which is a self-aware method of 'internal grooming' if you will. What you groom yourself towards depends on the nature of your focus/meditations.

[AnthroHeart]

I consider meditation to be focus.

I ordered a meditation CD called Insight. They have another one called Focus.

I thought Insight would be better for meditation to seek inwards. I thought Focus was if you're playing chess or an active sport.

[Lighthead]

There is an idea I encountered from a Buddhist which went 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes'. The suggestion there being to be focused upon what is immediately in front of you, to focus entirely on whichever task you are set on whether that is abtract, metaphysical or concrete, physical.

So, I found that meditating is actually a natural method of mental and emotional balancing and release which is a self-aware method of 'internal grooming' if you will. What you groom yourself towards depends on the nature of your focus/meditations.

I'd like to incorporate a similar, mindfulness based routine. I would like to have it be part of my day-to-day routine. I think that my mind makes it a problem when it's something that I do in a room for a specified amount of time. I probably have to trick my mind into thinking that it's no different from what I'm normally doing. I just didn't like that weird, withdrawal-like feeling. I would like to avoid something like that as much as possible. Or at least the implication that it entails that meditation is like some kind of drug for me.

Note: There are a lot of awkward I-statements in this reply! Lol.

[Lighthead]

I consider meditation to be focus.

I ordered a meditation CD called Insight. They have another one called Focus.

I thought Insight would be better for meditation to seek inwards. I thought Focus was if you're playing chess or an active sport.

I missed your comments, Gemini!

[Aion]

There is an idea I encountered from a Buddhist which went 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes'. The suggestion there being to be focused upon what is immediately in front of you, to focus entirely on whichever task you are set on whether that is abtract, metaphysical or concrete, physical.

So, I found that meditating is actually a natural method of mental and emotional balancing and release which is a self-aware method of 'internal grooming' if you will. What you groom yourself towards depends on the nature of your focus/meditations.

I'd like to incorporate a similar, mindfulness based routine. I would like to have it be part of my day-to-day routine. I think that my mind makes it a problem when it's something that I do in a room for a specified amount of time. I probably have to trick my mind into thinking that it's no different from what I'm normally doing. I just didn't like that weird, withdrawal-like feeling. I would like to avoid something like that as much as possible. Or at least the implication that it entails that meditation is like some kind of drug for me.

Note: There are a lot of awkward I-statements in this reply! Lol.

I combine it with a physical activity, that is, stretching, walking, breathing. So for me, I don't really think 'I'm going to meditate now', I think, 'in what way am I meditating right now?'. It is a subtle difference but meaningful I think.

Maybe consider the withdrawal isn't a matter of being away from meditation but more that there is some part of you which yearns to make that deeper exploration? I think it's like if you never clean your house it gets messier and messier. The mind and emotions are the same way.

[Lighthead]

There is an idea I encountered from a Buddhist which went 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes'. The suggestion there being to be focused upon what is immediately in front of you, to focus entirely on whichever task you are set on whether that is abtract, metaphysical or concrete, physical.

So, I found that meditating is actually a natural method of mental and emotional balancing and release which is a self-aware method of 'internal grooming' if you will. What you groom yourself towards depends on the nature of your focus/meditations.

I'd like to incorporate a similar, mindfulness based routine. I would like to have it be part of my day-to-day routine. I think that my mind makes it a problem when it's something that I do in a room for a specified amount of time. I probably have to trick my mind into thinking that it's no different from what I'm normally doing. I just didn't like that weird, withdrawal-like feeling. I would like to avoid something like that as much as possible. Or at least the implication that it entails that meditation is like some kind of drug for me.

Note: There are a lot of awkward I-statements in this reply! Lol.

I combine it with a physical activity, that is, stretching, walking, breathing. So for me, I don't really think 'I'm going to meditate now', I think, 'in what way am I meditating right now?'. It is a subtle difference but meaningful I think.  

Maybe consider the withdrawal isn't a matter of being away from meditation but more that there is some part of you which yearns to make that deeper exploration? I think it's like if you never clean your house it gets messier and messier. The mind and emotions are the same way.

Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. I'll try to consider that. Thanks.