I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.
I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.
I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.
I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.
Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.
I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.
Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.
Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.
I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.
I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.
I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.
Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.
I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.
Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.
Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.