Bring4th

What do I want to happen in this conversation:

For people to all find compassion, love, acceptance and forgiveness for each other and our contrasting views and opinions.

I would like everyone including myself to realize their/ my own pain involved and being triggered instead of being caused!!
And i would like us all to assist each other in dissolving that pain!

It is so hard to discuss a subject which brings out negative feelings in others without taking part in it yourself. Challenging someone else's point of view always comes at the cost of challenging yourself I suppose. Nevertheless I think bring4th is doing a tremendous job. Taking a step back there is so much growth involved for most people it's increadible.

I am really entranced by this thread. I have read it and re-read it. A huge thanks to everyone because of the exchanges and sincerity. To women who are on it and have been raped, I can't quite fathom how you find forgiveness, whenever the memories revisit, unless you can find that the rapist probably is so fractured himself ? I was lucky to get just some light sexual harassment which never came to more, how lucky I am.
SMC many thoughts.

Really what Night Owl said, Bring 4th is tremendous.

I too have just re-read this thread. And I think I realized something material that might help the women realize at least how this man perceived what was going on.

What I've been hearing in the meta-discussion is a question posed to me and men like me: "Why didn't you help?"

But when I go back and look at the thread, I don't see one party abusing another. I see two parties fighting.

In other words, I never at any time saw a comment to the effect of: "Earth_spirit, you are hurting me with your words. Could you find a way to express yourself that is less threatening to me?"

What I saw a lot of were comments to the effect of "You're wrong, and here's how you're wrong." Furthermore, there was a lot of "I'm outraged that everybody here doesn't already agree with me on this."

Can you understand that if this was what I was getting from the thread, that I saw no opportunity to assist in any meaningful way? That for me it wasn't about righting the wrongs of patriarchy but instead about two sides duking it out as equals?

I've been doing a lot of reflection on the fact that many don't feel welcome or safe here. I take it seriously, because I do want that kind of community Jade described where everybody feels they belong and are respected. So I feel it's really important that I try to give you sense of what I witnessed and why I did what I did. Because if somebody had said "I need help", I may not have helped in exactly the way that party desired, but I can't see myself ignoring it. Furthermore, I really do not believe that fighting on the right side of the argument would have been the best I could have done for the community as a whole. Finally, I think this desire to defeat the other side is toxic even if it comes from good intentions. We have got to find a way to address the needs and concerns of the marginalized without simply reproducing the failed conflicts outside this forum!

I clearly fell short on this for my sisters, and I am listening intently to hear the wisdom you're sharing. Thank you for your patience with me. I am facing this as squarely and honestly as I possibly can, and I know I have come across as arrogant. I am so sorry.

If I might be an arrogant stubborn ass, I want to revisit E_s's post.

I want to describe what I saw in it initially, and why I didn't see it as insulting, at first.  I saw someone expressing their 'truth' regardless of it's distortions, it was a sincere attempt in my eyes to create a blue ray honest vibration, despite being imbued with damaging ideas, it was their internal ideas that was being expressed.

It's something I thought was brave, to share those kinds of feelings here.  If e_s comes back around, I hope he'll open up to himself enough so to ask himself why he feels such ways towards women, and what he can do to voice his honesty in future interactions with some kind of disclaimer that he is aware his opinions are considered extreme and cruel to others, but that he doesn't view it as such.

I think culturally we need to also understand that Women in the US do on average have it better than in some other parts of the world, as do men, but especially women compared to say...  Saudi Arabia.  Or areas around the Eastern hemisphere.  So when someone from that hemisphere comes here with such views that most women worldwide would be appalled at, it's so vitally important that we help them see things differently instead of becoming angry at them.  Such as, looking at e_s and affirming to him.

All women are not as you feel they are, and there is so much more to a person than their outer appearance.  The body is just the portions of the soul visible to our physical senses, there is SO MUCH MORE going on beneath and beyond the surface of the body for that person.  We need to apologize, to let him know we don't mean harm, and we need to thank him for sharing himself with us and providing his catalyst for all of us to process with him.  Then we should forgive and love him as another portion of the creator experiencing distortions to help learn not just for himself, but for all of us in the long run.

Won't those with anger at him forgive him?  Not so much for him as much as for yourselves?  You may find you don't need any real reason to forgive an abuser except a desire to let go and move on from their abuse.  If they can't hurt you, if they can't harm you, they become powerless.  (Though if they become physical you should get the flying f--- out of there because NO ONE deserves that s---!)

But in the case of e_s, I think he's not such a bad guy, if you prefer couldn't we just leave it at he is as he is, confused and distorted like the rest of us?

We could learn a lot of healing by using his one post to discover just how we can all meet inequality thinking with nudges towards equality.  Can't we just give him a big stupid smile and say, 'you're so stubborn' and laugh and mention to him that you hope one day he'll find it deep down in himself to respect the feminine equally?

None of us need be right or tell another to agree with us, we just need to be open enough to meet differences with love and personal unique respect of each individual.

---

There was a thought experiment in another thread that got me to wondering.  Won't we all perform a small thought experiment and attempt to meet e_s's words from the perspective of the opposite gender, to let those remarks that are pass through us like light does glass and instead view his remark from the angle of 'how do I help you heal' rather than 'how do I make you see you are damaged'?

Guys, see his post as if you were a woman.  Ladies, see his post as if you were a man.

How do we feel about it now?

Would you also be able to do that for the posts that were in reaction to his post?

-----

First of all, Thank you ee for returning to the thread!

Quite honestly, I have to say, that Most of what you state as observed truth is not at all the Reality i perceive.
I really think your view is extremely distorted!
I dont know much about your background in terms of how you grew up.

But i assume that you most likely have had a huge share of hurt and pain.
And it also seems your mother has played a big role in it.

I also think that you don't have the slightest big of awareness of that, it doesnt look aus if your healing journey already started, unfortunately.

Obviously you are not aware of the fact, that you just pass on the pain Inside of you, if you dont heal.
You actually become exactly like the people that have hurt you.

You might want to consider that you view the would through the lens of your wounds.
By that i mean, take a at the generalizations you make.
It does not at all reflect the women i know.
You seem to be an intelligent guy, yet you dont seem to realize that your statements actually insult your intelligence.

A small side note:
quite obviously you don't have children. I do.
And i came to realize, what difficult and demanding Labour of Love it is, to raise children.
I think labeling this as "lazy" is beyond blind and arrogant!

And, congratulations, women and men in fact are different, the First have vaginas the later penises, cool obsercation.
Other than that, wie are all energetically a mix of female and Male energies.
And, i admit i happily take the opportunity to reflect that arrogance back, one you made some Progress on the spiritual path you will discover this also without a doubt!

I have to say that i perceive you as quite arrogant, ignorant and underlying aggressive, not only in this thread, but many.
I really hope you discover the roots of this and heal!

Quote:Won't those with anger at him forgive him?  Not so much for him as much as for yourselves?  You may find you don't need any real reason to forgive an abuser except a desire to let go and move on from their abuse.  If they can't hurt you, if they can't harm you, they become powerless.  (Though if they become physical you should get the flying f--- out of there because NO ONE deserves that s---!)

What makes physical abuse more harmful than mental/emotional abuse?

Quote:Indeed men have oppressed women. Yet when they are at their most vulnerable, the most pliable, as mere boys, they are at the mercy of their mothers, and latter of whom were abused by their own mothers. I'm afraid there is a horrific cycle at play that no one has the courage to face. Least of all, women. "Men don't give birth."

What makes fathers completely absolved from the responsibility of contributing to raising their children? This is what I don't understand.

And for what it's worth, earth_spirit, we probably have more in common than you think. My mother (and sister) were my primary abusers until about 5 years ago or so. My father was secondary. My mother is currently in prison because she has made some extremely poor decisions in her life. My father supported her by working and he also supported my stepmother after that. And my maternal grandmother is a legit narcissist so yeah, we could say it started there at least. Her mother (my maternal great grandma) was one of the meanest ladies I've ever known. But my paternal grandmother was the only one who ever treated my kindly in my whole family. So, while I have seen and experienced the thread you are speaking of, I do not think it is at all the only thread that contributes to our reality. My father was not a victim in our house, my father was the rulekeeper. He controlled everything down to my haircuts. I wasn't allowed to dance or draw, because I was poor at the former and skilled at the latter. My mother didn't avoid work because she was lazy, she avoided work because my father didn't want his pretty wife leaving the house. He divorced my step mother for the same reason: She wanted to go to school/get a job and this threatened him.

So, I just have a very hard time viewing the world through the black and white lens that you see it that mothers are the sole perpetuation of the ills of our species. It seems you are looking at this from your very limited viewpoint. This may all be true about how your mother raised you, and some other people might also have had the same experience. But I actually think, from my perspective, most people have a rather positive experience of their mother (and father). I've actually always felt in the extreme minority and completely misunderstood by having such a crazy mother.

-----

I don't want to argue with anyone but I would just like to point on the idea that "actual men are needed" that "fathers and mothers are terrible". There seems to be an issue rooted in attachment to outcome in my opinion, like there is a single way of things to play out perfectly but it doesn't seem like this is the case to me. For exemple you would probably think my mother is a terrible mother that she needs to toughen up. But I think shes an angel. I love her how she is and I need her exactly how she is. On the other hand my father is an ass. He's a real man. But you know what? He's an ass because his mom was an ass. So I've got both figure to compare and all I have to say is things play out how we need them no matter what. We choose our catalyst so we can learn something, so we can heal. My father is an ass because he has not learned to forgive his mom and himself for his weakness. I am totally giving up this path myself. I see him as the most hurt person I have ever met. What have you learn to accept and heal from your family situation? Do you understand why it is that your mom is how she is? Does it happen she may have had a terrible dad to her eyes?

(03-18-2017, 08:08 AM)earth_spirit Wrote: [ -> ]Even though I was moderated, I am grateful to see SMC was not. Because I sincerely believe that every such forum needs a resident "SMC" to keep the community grounded with the reality of their existence. The posts made by this individual as well as their condescending tone makes a better case against feminism than I ever could.

(03-18-2017, 01:52 AM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Would you also be able to do that for the posts that were in reaction to his post?

It should be done to every post on b4, a test run to meet those same energies face to face outside of a digital area.

I'm happy e_s is back, with that said.

Lets talk, e_s.  I'll save the ladies some trouble and hopefully start a calmer respomse.

Firstly, I have been abused by my father and mother.  My father was physical, he threw me into a wall out if frustration with me when I was around 4 years old.  Used to punch and violently yell at me and was extremely selfish and emotionally unavailable.
My mother was crazy.  Everything was another's fault.  When she got my father put in jail by lying then put a restraining order on him, there was only one person left to take the brunt of her 'everything is your fault, you do nothing!' behavior, since 11.  For over a decade I have been taught by her that I am less than nothing, the cause of her future death, and that everything is my fault and that I'm to blame.
She also has several times tried to arrest me and use legal action to control me.  If I didn't go right into college she'd make me homeless.  If I didn't do something I'd lose something.  She didn't even give me an allowance, I had to skip school lunch and save up my money to get anything I wanted.

So I've an idea of abuse and neglect.  I've basically an Associates in Psychology bordering a bachelor's, I just never finished school...

E_s, lets talk about why you feel these ways about men and women.  Now I won't say you're wrong...I just want you to know that I worry about you.  I'm all for your biases and choices, I share precisely a desire to be with another regardless of their sex to give them the love and passion I seldom had.  I especially resonate with your want for a feminine guy (who i imagine must at least have n androgynous body type and be 'cute') so that you can give another sharing your attributes that which you desired the most of another.
I especially feel that way in a sexual regards and were I more attractive, I'd probably be with another every week.  The down side of a high sex drive when you're not 'hot' or 'cute'.

The plus side, sexual pleasure is a key to me, a key to unity.  I want sex not to be pleasuresd, but to give.  In fact, basically all but 1 sexual relationships I had were 1 way, me pleasing her/him.  All but one.

But of all of this, through the resentment and bitterness of being used and even molested and raped as a kid by 'friends'...  That want never faltered.

Its not entirely wrong I remain balanced in view of another through my sexual desire and want of certain energies.  But the real foundation to that is a deep ingrained lesson I learned from my mom.  Life is a series of lessons, follow what you feel is right to do. (If only she knew that was a key part of my becoming the stubborn way I am...)

Also to say please and thank you.

I feel deep down that we're all similar in more ways than dissimilar.  Yeah so the hormones, neurochemical, and anatomy are different.  Yet we have the same thoughts, emotions, sensations, senses, we taste the same ways (with physical taste bud preferential differences), we feel and we laugh and cry.

I think the blame game is a farce, an excuse to hide from something.  I can be like my mom, blame her and the world and reality for all of my problems.  But I don't feel that'd be right.  I've seen where that got her and she is often miserable because of it.

I don't think any of us see through any colored lens, we simply see through the lens that is our experiential biases.  We attract to us things to enforce these biases.

You could say bias is the key to knowing ourselves, they are facets there to be understood and to distill the lessons they provide.

E_s, I agree the English language leaves much to be desired in clear and concise communication.  Will you share with is some background information about you, where you're born and raised, what your native language  is and what your culture is like towards women, just so we have a clearer understanding of where you're coming from?

I don't think mothers are to blame.  Despite this I do empathize that there are a lot of parents out there who do a poor job at nurturing their children with love...  a very poor job, many who are culturally acceptable are borderline cruel and unusual.  I've heard enough teenagers and kids talk about doing something extremely dangerous 'just because' which is a silent way of saying they're thinking of suicide.  I had a coworker at McDonald's who was only about 15 and kept telling us he's going to go jump in front of a bus, he could use the money.  I met his mother one day, she takes his entire paycheck for herself, and she is RUDE and humiliating to her child in front of everyone without a care for what its doing to him.

Yet I feel it is stillup to him to not go jump in front of a bus or be humiliating and cruel to others, the blame rests on the shoulders of the performer in this play.

If we all work together, to share our experiences and discuss our views. I hope we'll learn from and teach each other a little more about one another.

You have many valid points e_s but they are shaped like spiky balls that hurt to grasp.  You don't need to be so assertive in that kind of way that it hurts to read.  It is of course your prerogative but as a friend man, won't you help yourself by smoothing out the idras to bee more encompassing with reasons why that don't amount up to 'these people are this problems cause'.

I don't know if that's your intention, but I feel its blameworthy manner of seeing things is hurtful and harmful no different from extreme views of feminism or of a 'man-perpetuated' patriarchy.  Both angles still blame an entire demographic or target a demographic.

I want us to be able to find the Creator we love and cherish so much in each other.  I see Love in you e_s, the same love I see in everyone, I see this same love in Jade and SMC and Nicholas and Aion and more.

So no man, you're not wrong but I feel sadness at your views, I feel like you're hurting parts of yourself with them.

I feel this way towards SMC and Jade too.

And I just want you to see, that everybody is worthy of love and respect of their divine being, and not so much their views and opinions.

I love and respect you, Jade, and SMC, even if I disagree with the angles and views you each have.

In everyone of you I see a Lover hurting and trying to make it known, and just know.  Whether or not that is true.

I respect all of you and your decisions.  I just hope one day we'll all, myself inincluded, be able to be better lovers, to each other as compassionate fellow hu-mon beings

Quote:"Full stop" I am sure. Way to imply that an obviously generalized statement is an unforgivable crime that invalidates all the points made.

Whether I hate women, which I do not, is irrelevant to my claims. Whether they are "hateful" is besides the point. If you were not being disingenuous, you would not use my generalized statement to dismiss the truth of what I said. English is a heavily idiomatic language, generalizations are convenient, and a blunt rhetorical delivery is far more effective than being ignored by making dispassionate factual claims. As is demonstrated in this thread.

Why should I patronize people by trying to refine and sugarcoat everything I say? Why deny the catalyst?

This discussion could go around in circles. Accusing Jade of being disingenuous could in itself be painted as a disingenuous statement in order to avoid the truth of what she’s saying.

Your post was not removed because it was “misinterpreted” (intentionally or otherwise) as not being a general statement. Even as general statements, there was full agreement among the mods (and more) that your words were intolerant, whether you define them as such or not. It wasn’t about sugarcoating or not sugarcoating. That you didn’t sugarcoat it simply made it easier for us to recognize it as something that was against the guidelines of this forum.

Quote: And the truth is, yes there are women who are lazy, and yes, they do abuse men, boys and girls to obscure their laziness by making themselves irreplaceable as the stay-at-home caregiver (confuse men by inducing insane desire that turns into marriage aka state violence sponsored slavery or "adversary relationships" as Ra puts it, and use violent love to induce attachment in children). Making this claim is not hateful, it is a critically important observation for the benefit of both sexes.

This was not the claim your post was making. It went far beyond simply pointing out some observed behaviors.

Quote: Claiming my post was "hateful" and "intolerant" is projection. It is you who can not tolerate my views, since for women it is always MEN, or abstract notions like "societal indoctrination" that are to blame. I brought something new to the table, and it is is not nearly as "neat and tidy" as elementary feminist rhetoric.

Your post was not removed simply because it was something “new” to think about. The wide range of different views shared on this forum about many differing topics, including gender equality, should be evidence enough that we didn’t simply remove it because we disagreed with it.

Quote: The reason I am making the claims I do is because I happen to have enough of a stomach and adequate intellectual curiosity to read about it. Has anyone heard of JudgyBitch (emphasis on link) ? Did anyone care to look into Anatomy of Female Power? The Manipulated Man (written by a woman no less)? The "Religion is a Confidence Trick" blog is indeed cavalier, but one thing it is not is hateful.

The argument that “because I read about it, it makes it right” just doesn’t make sense. There is a lot of hard-hitting intellectual rhetoric in plenty of intolerant sources of information. You can find some incredibly impressive intellectual and logical acrobatics making arguments in favor of racism, sexism, or any other intolerant type of speech, and then backed up with “well it’s logical, I’m smart and read about it, thus if you disagree, you just can’t stomach the truth.” That’s just not how it works.

Because “I happen to have enough of a stomach and adequate intellectual curiosity,” I do spend a lot of time reading anti-feminist sources, “red pill” websites, MRA communities – almost as much as I do staying involved with feminist sources and communities. It might surprise you to hear me say that I think a lot of these anti-feminist, anti-progressive arguments are addressing things that do desperately need discussed within progressive communities.

But the way these subjects are approached, from an “anti-feminist” perspective, is almost always undermining of the actual point that could use discussed and is coopted by traditional masculine supremacy, white supremacy, regressive, and ethno-centric rhetoric.

Whether you intended it or not, your post very much fell in-line with this. It went beyond simple critique of feminism and was typical of the rhetoric that engenders intolerant attitudes. I found the links you shared to also fall into this same category.

We do not want Bring4th to be a platform for bigotry. A lot of bigotry is shared in the guise of “only offering an alternative view” or “only wanting what is best for everyone.” The post you made would be a powerful seed for further intolerant speech.

Quote: My post was focused on mothers, not necessarily because I primarily attribute the problem to mothers (functionally unimportant); but because in my view nobody ever wants to even consider their culpability.

It actually did primarily attribute the problem to mothers, citing them as the “source” of all of these woes.

-----

Quote:Should I be sorry that you were abused? I wondered the same thing about the abuse Jade was subjected to. Is sorrow a helpful sentiment in a metaphysical sense? Does it lower the collective vibration or raise it? Should I simply be grateful that you had the strength to bear the catalyst and find Love nevertheless, instead of feeling sorry?

I think what you are talking about is experiencing empathy. And I personally do not believe that experiencing empathy lowers the collective vibration. I think ideally, what we do is experience empathy and then by transmutation we choose to help the other person elevate themselves, thereby each helping each. Of course it's possible to feel too much empathy and be burdened by it, too upset over other people's problems to function. That's not productive.

I think a good example of this that I often think of is the movie What Dreams May Come (spoiler alert if you haven't seen it yet, but I'd be shocked if there were many people here that hadn't). The main characters' two young children die in a car accident - the wife spirals into a deep depression and becomes institutionalized, and the husband tries ever so hard to "keep it together for her". Their big breakthrough comes when he realizes that it was because he didn't join her in her sorrow that she drifted further away from him. If he had shown some understanding of her misery, she would have felt less alone, and maybe he would have been able to lead her "back out".

So thank you for feeling pain at my abuse, it definitely makes me feel less alone. It isn't always easy to talk about and I try not to do it only for sympathy points. I value my experience as a child because I recognize that I wouldn't be the person that I am today without it, and I like the person I am today.  I feel like my experience being abused gives me empathy for others who have also been abused, and I've been able to use that to comfort people, and that's really all that it's about, right?

Well incendiary stuff aside, I think your views are worded in incendiary ways...  Such as your words in describing a women or the problems they face or create in society from the roles they take on in the family.

Its a very strong idea even for me to attribute every woman as like my mother, it just simply isn't true.  In the same way not every mother is as you described even if others see otherwise.  In that sense not every girl is holding down other girls.

See American Society is very sensitive about its parts that make it up.  Family is basically another corner stone next to the 'American Dream'. Such as owning a home, holding a job, supporting yourself and prospering.  Making a difference.

Family...Well...I don't really have one so I lack the emotional depth to speak deeply of the subject...  Just if someone called my mom those things such as you described, I'd be very upset myself personally even if I found some of it true.

I don't know what is acceptable for you personally but I personally didn't feel like you were intending to attack the whole of feminine value by devaluing mothers.  I'm not sure if that is still true but I think its important for you to know that if you ever do want to share such thoughts here again, maybe consult me and I'll see if I can help you word things to be more easily read without causing anyone to get upset.  I think your views need to be shared so that we can all learn from them, whatever it is to be learned, well that is up to the reader.

I personally took away from your original deleted post that some women are damaged and develop personalities that continue damaging, sort of like how hate breeds more hate.  Damage perpetuates more damage across family and generations which heavily influences the ways society is.  I didn't see it as all women become like this, only that there are many even if not a majority, still, many out there who are hurt and who need help for their personal happiness and for the wellbeing of society in the longrun.

I want to think you at least see man and woman as two halves to a whole that make up humanity.  That we need both to embrace our full potential as a species.

Thanks for coming back e_s ^-^
I thank you Jade, for your love and kindness~

How could we not feel pain at anyone's abuse?  Abuse is tragic.  Abnormally being used is hard on anyone, especially the more gentle, loving people like children who lack the cognitive complex abilities and mechanisms to safely and securely cope with abuse, especially severe abuse.

Its heartbreaking...  like taking a loving new soul and subjecting it to unreal depths of dismay and emotional pain.  What's there to be done once the damage is done?

Heal.  But that process can take so long.

In today's world, the value of one is lost a little more every day.  Excuses like overpopulation are used when its actually our societal greed and immaturity as a species towards ourself that is the problem.  We waste resources instead of recycling and distributing them.  We consume larger amounts than what is needed for pleasure.  We ignore those in need for our own security.

Life has little value on Earth.  Entire forests uprooted for golf courses and urban shopping centres, entire generations of animals genetically modified, bred, and slaughtered in excess to feed excessive consumers in a capitalist society.  Entire oceans covered in garbage and irradiated because they're open parts internationally and not protected by law in most countries so dump away!  We only drink that stuff!  Food processed into obsessive amounts of sugar, salt, and oil leading to the greatest loss of health, legally, ever seen in the world.  Healthy foods are regulated and burdened with fees making them more expensive.  Fast food as a middle choice to feed the poor cheaply, $3 burger $5 salad $2 soda.

There is so much backwards with this world's race of humans that you'd think we evolved backwards...

Perhaps we may start doing so.

Either way, to look away from intolerance on a spiritual level is no different from apathy.  We don't need to accept it but to remove it takes away our ability to heal it.  Everything has a right to be, especially if it exists to help teach the creator about itself.

I wanted to thank everyone who has been a part of these interactions. I know the parts were painful but there is so much catalyst here. I think many would benefit from taking a break from this thread with the intent to revisit it in a few weeks time once they have achieved a more detached emotional distance. You might find that there is indeed, two or more quite entirely valid perspectives and between the two a perpendicular reconciliation between the masculine and feminine experience.

Both sexes have suffered tremendously. Arguing over who suffered more is not helpful. There is a way forward which can work for both sexes. Let's neither over-correct nor resist the appropriate change.

just came across this so will post here -

an example of compassionate, assertive feminism:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHH3lhYwqcY

(03-24-2017, 10:16 PM)SMC Wrote: [ -> ]just came across this so will post here -

an example of compassionate, assertive feminism:

~A little bonfire of the vanities-- coming up!











http://thoughtcatalog.com/joshua-goldber...xperience/





   

~


Oh, the wonderful thing about triggers
Is triggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of mindfuck
Their bottoms are made out of memes
They're bouncy, trouncy, bouncy, trouncy
Fun fun fun fun fun
But the most wonderful thing about triggers is
The endless supply of 'em!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltSOidHtxOk









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkjUAOCZPDE

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Minutes_Hate
https://jonrappoport.wordpress.com/2017/...-the-rebel
http://en.booksee.org/book/1053135
http://en.booksee.org/book/2251098







http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Ma...ggerPhrase
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Manchurian_Candidate
https://ritualabuse.us/mindcontrol/eas-s...henomenon/
https://ritualabuse.us/mindcontrol/how-c...ropaganda/
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-03-27...en-20-true
http://en.booksee.org/book/1056753

Well, that escalated quickly! But context is very important, in a world like ours in a time like this.

(03-18-2017, 06:47 PM)Bring4th_Austin Wrote: [ -> ]

Quote:"Full stop" I am sure. Way to imply that an obviously generalized statement is an unforgivable crime that invalidates all the points made.

Whether I hate women, which I do not, is irrelevant to my claims. Whether they are "hateful" is besides the point. If you were not being disingenuous, you would not use my generalized statement to dismiss the truth of what I said. English is a heavily idiomatic language, generalizations are convenient, and a blunt rhetorical delivery is far more effective than being ignored by making dispassionate factual claims. As is demonstrated in this thread.

Why should I patronize people by trying to refine and sugarcoat everything I say? Why deny the catalyst?

This discussion could go around in circles. Accusing Jade of being disingenuous could in itself be painted as a disingenuous statement in order to avoid the truth of what she’s saying.

Your post was not removed because it was “misinterpreted” (intentionally or otherwise) as not being a general statement. Even as general statements, there was full agreement among the mods (and more) that your words were intolerant, whether you define them as such or not. It wasn’t about sugarcoating or not sugarcoating. That you didn’t sugarcoat it simply made it easier for us to recognize it as something that was against the guidelines of this forum.

Quote: And the truth is, yes there are women who are lazy, and yes, they do abuse men, boys and girls to obscure their laziness by making themselves irreplaceable as the stay-at-home caregiver (confuse men by inducing insane desire that turns into marriage aka state violence sponsored slavery or "adversary relationships" as Ra puts it, and use violent love to induce attachment in children). Making this claim is not hateful, it is a critically important observation for the benefit of both sexes.

This was not the claim your post was making. It went far beyond simply pointing out some observed behaviors.

Quote: Claiming my post was "hateful" and "intolerant" is projection. It is you who can not tolerate my views, since for women it is always MEN, or abstract notions like "societal indoctrination" that are to blame. I brought something new to the table, and it is is not nearly as "neat and tidy" as elementary feminist rhetoric.

Your post was not removed simply because it was something “new” to think about. The wide range of different views shared on this forum about many differing topics, including gender equality, should be evidence enough that we didn’t simply remove it because we disagreed with it.

Quote: The reason I am making the claims I do is because I happen to have enough of a stomach and adequate intellectual curiosity to read about it. Has anyone heard of JudgyBitch (emphasis on link) ? Did anyone care to look into Anatomy of Female Power? The Manipulated Man (written by a woman no less)? The "Religion is a Confidence Trick" blog is indeed cavalier, but one thing it is not is hateful.

The argument that “because I read about it, it makes it right” just doesn’t make sense. There is a lot of hard-hitting intellectual rhetoric in plenty of intolerant sources of information. You can find some incredibly impressive intellectual and logical acrobatics making arguments in favor of racism, sexism, or any other intolerant type of speech, and then backed up with “well it’s logical, I’m smart and read about it, thus if you disagree, you just can’t stomach the truth.” That’s just not how it works.

Because “I happen to have enough of a stomach and adequate intellectual curiosity,” I do spend a lot of time reading anti-feminist sources, “red pill” websites, MRA communities – almost as much as I do staying involved with feminist sources and communities. It might surprise you to hear me say that I think a lot of these anti-feminist, anti-progressive arguments are addressing things that do desperately need discussed within progressive communities.

But the way these subjects are approached, from an “anti-feminist” perspective, is almost always undermining of the actual point that could use discussed and is coopted by traditional masculine supremacy, white supremacy, regressive, and ethno-centric rhetoric.

Whether you intended it or not, your post very much fell in-line with this. It went beyond simple critique of feminism and was typical of the rhetoric that engenders intolerant attitudes. I found the links you shared to also fall into this same category.

We do not want Bring4th to be a platform for bigotry. A lot of bigotry is shared in the guise of “only offering an alternative view” or “only wanting what is best for everyone.” The post you made would be a powerful seed for further intolerant speech.

Quote: My post was focused on mothers, not necessarily because I primarily attribute the problem to mothers (functionally unimportant); but because in my view nobody ever wants to even consider their culpability.

It actually did primarily attribute the problem to mothers, citing them as the “source” of all of these woes.

:idea: ^ THANK YOU AUSTIN ! :idea:

Quote:Dear Men Who Wish to Be Allies to Women: 12 Things You Need to Know

March 27, 2017 by Lisa O'Neill


Hello, I’m glad you care about women’s rights and want to be an ally!

This makes you a decent human being. Not to mention on the right side of history.

You may have witnessed an upsurge of toxic masculinity lately  – say, for example, the entire second presidential debate  –  drawing attention to what has always been here under the surface but, perhaps, hasn’t always been as visible to you.

You might’ve even experienced some degree of guilt or shame for being a man when some men are acting in such vile, repugnant ways and making decisions for women without actually listening to women.

We’re all trying our best to be good people in the world and this s*** is complicated.But there are a few things you might want to know. I wrote this for you.

1. It’s Not Women’s Responsibility to Educate You

Teach yourself about sexism and misogyny and about how to recreate our culture to eliminate them.

Just as it’s white people’s responsibility to educate themselves and figure out how to dismantle the racist culture we made, you men, the beneficiaries of our patriarchal culture, need to figure out how to undo your sexist and misogynistic ideas, belief systems, and behaviors.

You need to figure out how to change internally and externally so that we live in a culture that truly values and supports women. Here’s a great place to start.

2. Don’t Ask Women to Do Additional Emotional Labor

Women have been socialized to be caretakers and nurturers.

Some of us embrace this role and others of us don’t, but none of us want to do this all the time.

What does emotional labor look like? Listening to others talk about their problems, processing issues and providing advice, caring for others’ feelings, offering space and time, and sometimes, physical affection in the form of hugs and handholding.

Because women have been socially conditioned to see this labor as part of our role as women and because people of all genders have been conditioned to see women as caretakers, you might not realize when you’re asking women to do this.

Check in with the women in your life before you ask them to provide emotional support.

Make sure they have the time, energy, and resources to offer it. Make sure you have their permission. Notice the amount of space you take up in a conversation.

Does this sound exhausting? It is.

And this is the work women do all the time. We do this work on top of the work of moving through the world while women, which I assure you is time-consuming, laborious, hard, and often demoralizing.

Lastly, don’t engage women you don’t know or barely know in intense emotional revelations. I don’t need to know from the man in line at the grocery store about his recent traumas.

I don’t need to deal with the cantankerous discharge of a stranger’s horrible day. You are taking an emotional dump all over us. Take care of your own emotional needs.

3. Think About the Space You Take Up

In conversations. In board rooms. At public events. On conference panels. Walking down the street.

Think about your proximity to women. Ask yourself whether you are giving them enough space: to talk, to move, to exist.

This is especially true if you encounter a woman alone. Give her space.

4. Do Your Homework and Seek Out Women’s Perspectives

Read articles and books about intersectional feminism.

Read articles and books that have nothing to do with feminism, but that are written by women.

Look at your bookshelf. Is it full of mostly male authors? Think of why that might be. Then, commit to exclusively reading work by women –  from all different countries, with different backgrounds and identities – for a week, a month, a year, or more.

Ask the women in your life for recommendations of books that changed their lives, books where they felt deeply heard or seen. Read those books.

5. Ask the Women in Your Life to Share Their Stories with You

Be okay if they don’t want to. And if they do want to, really listen.

These cascading stories are often fraught, violent, and deeply sad.

You might feel shocked, angry, or full of sorrow that someone you know and love had to go through these experiences. Don’t shut down because you feel uncomfortable or even complicit.

Don’t try to make the stories better. Don’t dismiss women’s words, in your mind or to the woman you’re listening to. Don’t find reasons to excuse others’ bad behavior.

Choose to show up. Choose to continue to listen.

6. If You’re a Maker, Think About the Things You Make

Remember that the work you offer into the world as an artist, writer, filmmaker, musician, or other maker is reflecting a certain perspective: yours.

Think about what you’re making and what it says to those that engage with it.

Are all your female characters one-dimensional? Are they always to blame for the woes of your male protagonist?

How many women are you interviewing for your documentary? Did you integrate a mix of voices in terms of race, ethnicity, nationality, class, ability, size and shape, orientation, placement along the gender spectrum?

What are your songs about, and what worldview do they reflect?

Is the art you make reinforcing problematic cultural narratives?

7. Find Other Men Doing This Work

Learn from them, share resources.

And then  – and this is really important  – have conversations with your male friends, colleagues, and neighbors about sexism and misogyny.

Instigate the difficult conversations.

Ask hard questions of yourselves and one another. You have likely lived most of your life without having to think about these things.

Women haven’t had this luxury.

Be uncomfortable. But also, find support in doing this work.

8. Respect Women’s Boundaries

No means no, period.

You have no right to a woman’s body, time, energy, attention, respect, and so on. Relatedly, if a woman gives clear signals, verbally or otherwise, that she does not want you to interact with her, leave her alone.

9. Don’t Police Women’s Bodies or Voices

Women are autonomous beings, and contrary to cultural messages that say otherwise, we don’t exist for the pleasure of others.

What we wear, where we walk, what we do or don’t do with our bodies is no one’s concern but our own.

Similarly, women are allowed to have our own perspectives – and to articulate them in the ways we choose – and just because a woman disagrees with you doesn’t mean that she doesn’t understand the complexities of the situation and needs an explanation.

10. Doing This Work Doesn’t Make You a Hero

All of us should be feminists because being a feminist means you believe in liberation.

You are doing the right thing.

But you don’t deserve accolades or applause, just like a father doesn’t deserve these for changing his child’s diaper.

11. Realize That Doing This Work Isn’t a One-Shot Deal

If you want to be an ally, it means you commit to a lifetime of continuing education.

It means you look hard at your own s***.

It means you look for ways to support the women in your life. It means you determine ways to work on a community and systemic level. You’ll be uncomfortable a lot of the time. You’ll likely get defensive.

But you keep trying.

12. Choose to Create a Culture That Inherently Values Women

Make this list obsolete.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2017/03/dear...be-allies/

(03-12-2017, 11:05 PM)SMC Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-12-2017, 08:34 PM)Nicholas Wrote: [ -> ]I cant get behind the idea that my experiences were caused by a "patriarchy" though. I prefer to own them. I overheard my cousin talking about this type of patriarchy as if it was some kind of new conspiracy. Another reason to reject the present conditions and just get high instead. I also think it is healthier to develop a sense of gratitude rather than acknowledge a sense of advantage. The other trouble I have with the patriarch thing is that it does not, or at least has difficulty with the nature aspect. That's what I find to most dishonest about it. Not in any moral sense though. It's almost as if it the acknowledgement of it acts like a concession, and is therefore counterproductive.

can you explain further -  what you mean by "the nature aspect" ? and "acts like a concession" ?

:idea:

Sure. So one reason contemporary feminism has seemed jarring to me is because it is nested within a cultural tone. That cultural tone, specifically, is a rejection of the old religious (patriarchal) structure, where discipline was more important than compassion, where exploration was more important than protection. What I have found to be internally jarring is that now we have a situation where compassion is more important than discipline, where protection is now more important than the free flow of adventurism. The consequence I perceive is a notable amount of narcissism and a focusing on single issue priorities, at the expense of an appreciation of how privileged we are to exist in a democratic regime, as well as a broader examination of the history of societies. 

So "the nature aspect", as you pointed out with your "...as old as the sea bed" comment can be observed in the behaviour of lobsters. Male lobsters compete with each other as part of a mating ritual, and once the hierarchy has sorted itself out the dominant male has an unfettered mate choosing opportunity. This is a primordial instinct, or blueprint, that seems to be written in to the fabric of creation. That instinct, in this case is "I want to have sex with whom I choose but there are others that also want the same thing!". So the patriarchal model of oppression (which can be validly witnessed in Social Darwinist thinking) is nonetheless a distorted perception of what the root cause actually is. 

As far as I can tell at this point in time, a typical chauvinist (patriarchal) male is frightened of the unknown (the precursor to suppression, which in turn is the precursor to oppression in Jungian psychology). The unknown manifests itself as a female. 

And so now we have a cultural situation where not only the boundaries of discipline (call it the old world order if you like) have been demolished. We also have a situation where dissenting voices are labelled as "victim blaming", or "hate speech", or "misogynist", which completely disregards and nullifies the potential wisdom that could be imparted by such voices. 

Quote:

Quote: My post was focused on mothers, not necessarily because I primarily attribute the problem to mothers (functionally unimportant); but because in my view nobody ever wants to even consider their culpability.

It actually did primarily attribute the problem to mothers, citing them as the “source” of all of these woes.

On both sides of the above exchange, which I am using as an example, there are only perceptions. Let's remember that in all cases here, as we canvass the cutting edge of change and growth. Casting blame and being defensive is not going to help us move forward.

To some I know it is not easy to see the 3D self as an empowered being, and not as society's (or other) victim. And also, there may be difficulty in resolving the two ideas. There is a lot of suffering here. But if any of us is here to help this place (or even just self), then how to do that? It is my working theory that we do that by helping to (for lack of a better phrase) raise the vibration to one of "love" (which—the word love—has so much more meaning than the 3D versions ingrained in our societies). I know how vague and possibly "new age" that sounds, and I don't mean it that way at all. It's just trying to reach the "higher ground." It's shifting focus to what one wants instead of what one doesn't want. I also realize that some individuals are looking for validation. Or that some want to be part of 3D change in a 3D way such as activism. It's all accepted, but spending time on pointing fingers at words on a page isn't really helpful from my view. Although it does create catalyst. So who am I to suggest it's not the best way? It's just not as direct in forging real change. (In my opinion, of course.)

Validation does not necessarily involve agreement. Agreement is based on perception. And we are all individual expressions with vast amounts of individual experiences which create unique and nuanced perceptions.

I just found this quote posted in another thread, which I think has some application here. It is Q'uo being channeled by Carla.

http://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/is..._0731.aspx Q\uo Wrote:...Indeed, the commitment to become a wanderer is not taken lightly. It is thought out carefully and considered for a considerable amount of your time, indeed, centuries of your time, while the commitment to the work is perfected, refined and honed to a sharp edge. It is an act of great courage to be a wanderer.

What wanderers usually do not realize is that that which is so obvious and easy from the other side of the veil is impossible to read and difficult to bear within the thick veiling of the third density of Earth, with its free will and its extremely thick veil. The danger always is that the wanderer will not wake up, or, if it is partially awake, that it will awaken only to complain that it is not comfortable, that it wants to go home, that it must leave this place that is so polluted and dirty.

To those who feel these things, we would suggest that it is precisely because this planet is so in need of higher vibrations that you came to serve at this time, to help lighten the vibrations of Planet Earth. And you could not do this without incarnating and becoming one of the tribe of humankind. Your love was so great that you took that step. And now you have awakened and you know how difficult a step it was to take. We encourage you to take hold of the honor and the duty of being a wanderer.

That which you know of the higher planes, that which you remember in a dim or not so dim way, bring into your heart and let it bless the environment that you see before you, just as it is. You are not here to clean it up. You are not here to make it right. You are not here to fix it. For all of the outer world is an illusion. You are here to love it. Take the world in your arms and embrace it. This is how you came to serve. This is your glory and your crown. Wear it well and rejoice in being here.

There is also another aspect that i would like to add:

We make our early experiences with our parents and with our families.
Thats in my experience where we have been hurt initially.

I found that all later experiences build on that.

Those initial experiences we had with individuals, and thats in my opinion where we can heal it.
In healing those experiences that created blockages.

Our later experiences and especially how we view the world and society are built on that.
But, by attributing this to society ( although society definitely has huge problems) we transfer the problem to an area where we can neither heal nor really change it!
We re all contributing our part and that does have an effect, but we will most likely not end patriarchy for example.
If we see this as the cause of our problems (i dont deny that it causes problems) in my opinion robs us off all possibility to heal.
And i definitely would liketo heal before patriarchy ends!

I think when our personal issues are resolved, we have a much "milder" view on the outer world.

35 Practical Steps Men Can Take To Support Feminism
Most men do many things in their daily lives that directly or indirectly contribute to a culture of gender inequality.

   pamela-clark
   June 13, 2014

   Tags: feminism, men

On Facebook, a friend recently linked to an article called 20 Tools for Men to Further Feminist Revolution. Although he liked the list, he (correctly) noted that most of the suggestions were quite academic. The friend in question, like me, is an academic, so this point is not meant to be an indictment of the original article. It’s just that practical tools and academic tools can have different places in the world.

His comments have prompted me to create a list of more practical tools. Most men -- particularly men who benefit from multiple forms of structural privilege -- do many things in their daily lives that directly or indirectly contribute to a culture of gender inequality. Even men who support feminism in theory can be not great at applying feminism in their everyday practices.

This list entails suggestions for some practical tools all men can apply in their day-to-day lives to foster equality in their relationships with women, and to contribute to a culture where women feel less burdened, unsafe, and disrespected.

Part of living in a patriarchal society is that men are not socialized to think about how their habits and attitudes harm women. This list is meant to push men to think more consciously and personally about the direct and indirect effects they have on women, and to think more about how they can contribute to feminism through their lived, everyday practices.

Tools 15 - 27 are c/o Lindsay Ulrich. Other tools c/o Pamela Clark.

The list is not intended to be exhaustive or exclusive. Certain items on the list will apply to some men more than others, but if you are a man and a human I guarantee there is at least one area on the list where you could make an improvement. If you think there’s something we’ve missed, tell me! If you think something on the list is problematic, let’s have a conversation about it!

1. Do 50% (or more) of housework.

You need to do your share of housework all the time, of your own accord, without procrastinating, without being asked, without making excuses. Recognize that our domestic habits and our internalized ideas about unpaid domestic work are hugely gendered and hugely benefit men, and accept that it is your responsibility to fight against this. If feminism is the theory, clean dishes are the practice. Over the next week, take note of how much housework you do as compared to women you live with and note where it is or is not an equitable division.

2. Do 50% (or more) of emotional support work in your intimate relationships and friendships.

Recognize that women are disproportionately responsible for emotional labour and that being responsible for this takes away time and energy from things they find fulfilling.

3. Consume cultural products produced by women.

In whatever your interests are -- French cinema, astrophysics, baseball, birdwatching -- ensure that women’s voices and women’s cultural products are represented in what you are consuming. If they are not, make an effort to seek them out.

4. Give women space.

Many women walk around -- especially at night or while alone -- feeling on edge and unsafe. Being in close physical proximity to an unknown man can exacerbate this feeling. Recognize that this is not an unreasonable fear for women to have, given how many of us have experienced harassment or abuse or been made to feel unsafe by men when we are in public spaces. Also recognize that it doesn’t matter if you are the kind of man who a woman has any actual reason to fear, because a woman on the street doesn’t have a way of knowing this about you or not.

Examples: If a seat is available on public transit next to a man, take that seat rather than one next to a woman. If you are walking outside in the dark close to a woman walking alone, cross the street so that she doesn’t have to worry someone is following her. If a woman is standing alone on a subway platform, stand some distance away from her.

5. … but insert yourself into spaces where you can use your maleness to interrupt sexism.

Examples: challenge men who make sexist comments and jokes. If you see a female friend in a bar/at a party/on the subway/wherever looking uncomfortable as a man is speaking to her, try to interject in a friendly way that offers her an opportunity for an “out” if she wants it. If you see a situation where a woman looks like she may be in distress while in the company of a man, stand nearby enough that you make yourself a physical presence, monitor the situation, and be in a position to call for help if needed.

Things like this can super difficult, awkward, and complicated to know how to do, but it’s worth trying anyway. Making yourself feel momentarily uncomfortable is a fair tradeoff for making a woman feel more comfortable.

6. When a woman tells you something is sexist, believe her.

7. Educate yourself about sexual consent and make sure there is clear, unambiguous communication of consent in all your sexual relationships.

8. Be responsible for contraception.

If you are in a relationship where contraception is necessary, offer to use methods that do not have health risks for women (use of hormones, surgeries, etc.) and treat these as preferable options. If your partner prefers a particular method, let her be in charge of making that decision without questioning or complaining about it. Don’t whine about condom usage, and be responsible for buying them and having them available if that’s the method you’re using.

Assume financial responsibility for any costs related to contraception. Women earn less than men, and also have to assume all the physical risk of pregnancy. Further, in instances where contraception involves any amount of physical risk, it is virtually always women who must assume this risk. As a gesture that redresses a minuscule amount of this disparity, heterosexual men should finance the whole cost of contraceptives.

9. Get the HPV vaccine.

If you are a young man, get it. If you have a young son, ensure he gets it. Since women are the ones who are disproportionately affected by the consequences of HPV, as a matter of fairness men should be the ones who at least assume the potential risks of getting vaccinated. (I am hugely pro-vaccines in general and don’t believe there actually are significant risks, but this is a matter of principle.)

10. Have progressive name politics.

If you and your female partner decide that the institution of marriage is something you want to be involved with, be willing to both keep your existing surnames. If having a common surname with your spouse is important to you, be willing to change your surname and treat this as a preferable option to your spouse changing hers.

11. If you have children, be an equal parent.

Be willing to take paternity leave and to stay home and care for them when they are young. Divide childcare responsibilities so that you are doing at least 50% of the work, and ensure it is divided such that you and your partner both get to spend an equal amount of “play” time with your children too.

12. Pay attention to and challenge informal instances of gender role enforcement.

For example, if you are at a family function or dinner party, pay attention to whether it is mostly/only women who are doing food preparation/cleaning/childcare while men are socializing and relaxing. If it is, change the dynamic and implore other men to do the same.

13. Be mindful of implicit and explicit gendered power differentials in your intimate/domestic relationships with women…whether a partner or family members or roommates.

Work to recognize where inherent structural power differentials based on race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age (and so on). Where you benefit from these structural imbalances, educate yourself about your privilege and work on finding ways to create a more equitable balance of power. For example, if you are in a domestic partnership where you are the primary income earner, educate yourself about the gendered wage gap, and work on dividing labour and economic resources within your household in a way that increases the economic autonomy of your partner.

14. Make sure that honesty and respect guide your romantic and sexual relationships with women.

The way you treat women with whom you are in a relationship is a mirror of your values about women in general. It doesn’t work to espouse feminist theory and then treat your partners like trash. Be upfront and open about your intentions, communicate openly so that women have the ability to make informed, autonomous decisions about what they want to do.

15. Don’t be an online bystander in the face of sexism.

Challenge people who make, say, or post sexist things on the Internet, especially on social media.

16. Be responsible with money in domestic/romantic relationships.

Know that if you are irresponsible with money, this necessarily impacts your partner and since women still make less than men overall (and live longer), this is a feminist issue.

Example: Your credit card debt/money wastage/gambling problem impacts her economic livelihood and future. Share budget making, tax filing, and general personal finance duties and be open and honest about household money management.

17. Be responsible for your own health.

Men go to the doctor less often than women for issues troubling them, and when they do, it’s often at the urging of women in their lives. To have a long and healthy partnered life for both you and your spouse means being responsible for your own health, noting any issues, and taking them seriously. Since we’re dependent on one another, your long-term health is also her long-term health.

18. Don’t ogle or make comments about women. (i.e., Keep your tongue in your mouth and comments to yourself.)

Even though women may be more prone to wearing more revealing outfits than men, don’t ogle them just because you want to and can. Though you may find someone attractive, there’s a line between noticing and being creepy/disrespectful. It makes the ogler feel uncomfortable, as well as any women who notice the ogling or are aware of the comments.

19. Pay attention to the sex of experts and key figures presenting information to you in the media.

When you are watching an expert on TV, reading articles, etc., notice how often this information will come from men and, at the very least, wonder how a female perspective might be different.

20. Ensure that some of your heroes and role models are women.

21. Praise the virtues and accomplishments of women in your life to others.

In everyday conversation and in communication in general, talk to others about women you know in a positive light. Suggest your female friends for projects, jobs, and collaborations with other people you know.

22. Have integrity with your male friends. (i.e., Don’t be a “bro.”)

When a male friend is doing something sexist (being a deadbeat dad, down-talking women, ogling women, secretly spending shared money, lying to their partner, etc.) have integrity and say something to your friend. It’s not enough to think it’s wrong; let them know you think it’s wrong.

23. Don’t treat your spouse like a “nag.” If she is “nagging,” you are probably lagging.

24. Know that acknowledging your own sexist opinions and stereotypes you hold is not enough. Do something about them.

25. Befriend women.

If you don’t have any female friends, figure out why you don’t and then make some. Make sure they are authentic, meaningful relationships.The more we care about and relate to one anther, the better chance we stand of creating a more egalitarian society.

26. Find female mentors/leaders. (i.e., Be subordinate to women.)

If you are seeking a mentor, or want to volunteer with an organization, go with a woman, or woman-led organization. Know that there’s a lot you can learn from women in positions of authority.

27. When in a romantic relationship, be responsible for events and special dates associated with your side of the family.

Remember your family members’ birthdays, anniversaries and important events. Don’t rely on your spouse to send cards, make phone calls, organize reunions, etc. It is your family, and thus your responsibility to remember, care about, and contact them.

28. Don’t police women’s appearance.

Women are taught to internalize intensely restrictive beauty norms from the time they are small children. Don’t do or say things that makes women feel like they aren’t meeting this norm, or create pressure on them to meet it. At the same time, it is equally not a feminist response to do or say things that pressure women to use their body to resist these norms if they don’t want to. Recognize that there are significant social sanctions for women who disobey beauty norms and they shouldn’t be expected to act as martyrs and accept these sanctions if they don’t want to.

Whether according to your personal aesthetic or ideals you think she wears too much makeup or too little, removes too much body hair or not enough, it is none of your business how women choose for their bodies to look.

29. Offer to accompany female friends if they have to walk home alone at night…or in a public space where they may be likely to feel unsafe.

But don’t be pushy about it or act like you are being the Ultimate Gentleman for doing so.

30. Inject feminism into your daily conversations with other men.

If your father doesn’t do his fair share of housework, talk to him about why this is important. If your friend cheats on his girlfriend or speaks negatively about her, talk to him candidly about respecting individual women with whom he is intimate is part of having respect for women in general. Have conversations with your younger brothers and sons about sexual consent.

31. If you have a tendency to behave inappropriately toward women when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, do not consume drugs or alcohol.

32. Be aware of the physical and emotional space you occupy, and don’t take up more space than you need.

Use your fair share of “air space” in conversations, give as much to relationships as you take, don’t sit with your legs splayed so that other people can’t comfortably sit next to you, etc.

33. Walk the walk about income inequality.

Women still earn about 77% as much as men. If you are in a position where you are financially able to do so, consider donating a symbolic 23% of your income to social justice-oriented causes. If 23% sounds like a lot to you, that’s because it is a lot and it’s also a lot for women who don’t have a choice whether to forfeit this amount or not.

34. Get in the habit of treating your maleness as an unearned privilege that you have to actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome.

35. Self-identify as a feminist.

Speak about feminism as a natural, normal, uncontentious belief, because it should be. Don’t hedge and use terms like “humanist” or “feminist ally” that reinforce the idea that the F-word itself is a scary word.

Reprinted with Permission From PamelaClark.tumblr.com.