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It looks like I'm on my own journey to learn more about myself.

I studied shamanism for a bit under a lady, but she said that sexuality was a "basal human emotion".

In looking on the web I find that there is plentiful information about sexuality and shamanism.

Quote:From a multidimensional and shamanic perspective I regard sex as a symbolic representation of the energy pervading the web of life, often described as an ongoing multi-dimensional intercourse between the earth and the sky, the seen and the unseen.

I think that sexual energy for me forms the basis, or at least the fundamental nature of an anthropomorphic being. Sexual energy is not just lusty and such. It can be a meaningful exchange of energy.

I want to discover the multidimensional sexual nature of these spiritual anthro beings/gods.

*NOTE* There will be sexual themes in this.
I am starting where I naturally go, by imagining meeting with my guide.

I've learned 2 things so far.

1) Don't worry what other people say, or don't say. If they ignore me, don't give that much credit.
2) My guide's appearance may change. Don't be attached to a single appearance.

I learned the second after I started imagining some energy flowing between me and my guide. His appearance changed.

I had thought about doing some pendulum dowsing to ask yes and no questions, but I have no idea on what to ask.

And a 3rd thing I learned:

3) When I think that I'm thinking wrong or bad about anthros or my guides, that is coming from me and not them.

Why do people say they would die for someone else? Like they would be willing to be abused and suffer for them?
I actually used to think about anthros in this way, but it was self-deprecating and humiliating to think about. I thought that putting myself down for them made me think that I loved them even more.

But I can love them without the putting myself down or thoughts of humiliation.

4) It's ok to have preferences of one anthro over another.
I can only imagine the kind of spiritual journeys you have Gemini!!

I hope you find something deeply satisfying in this avenue of life Big Grin
It's really exciting. My guide keeps looking like this character, and he's teaching me about taboos, particularly around sexuality.

[Image: Zabivaka.jpg]

I asked if he would eventually kill me because I wanted to be taken out by an anthro when it happened.

And I got the impression that "sure, but it's not time."

Meaning I want my spirit guide to be the one to pull my soul out of my body just before I die, whenever that occurs.

It's sexual now because that was the biggest thing I have to get off my chest so to speak.

So he offered me the image of his semen, and I was reluctant to take that because of religious indoctrination.

I know spirits and the afterlife don't have sex. But I'm getting these images because they're important to me right now.

I'm amazed that he's held this form for so long. He was changing forms early on.

I'm more connected to the Universe at large than I am with the Earth.

He's teaching me how to accept my parallel anthro self, and how to hold onto that form.

I must walk two worlds if I want to live this life. Well 3 if you count the dream world.
(04-17-2017, 12:44 AM)Coordinate_Apotheosis Wrote: [ -> ]I can only imagine the kind of spiritual journeys you have Gemini!!

I hope you find something deeply satisfying in this avenue of life Big Grin

This works for me right now, but I usually don't stick with things.
But I do want to learn about myself, and my mental taboos.

It's not about getting off for me. The sexuality is a trust.
For the first time I actually felt his fur in my mind's hand/paw that I can remember.

This parallel self of mine is still too human. When I imagine being with my guide, I still have human hands.

I also don't always have to be in close proximity to them and always touching them.

I let them go and do their thing and watch them from afar.

"A remote speck of wonder increases the sound."

Yes I have heard his voice. But it's not like hallucinating a voice. It's still like I have to figure out how it sounds.
Just looked at an anthro comic, and my mouth tasted like strawberry or cherry. Something sweet and fruity.

The Logos/Universe is really strange.
He exists within this Universe, and this reality (3rd density time/space). So he's not that far away from me actually.

He says that all realities and parallel lives I have exist within this Universe.
I started kissing him. Then I fell in love. I've never kissed an anthro before, and I could taste his tongue.

Then I realized he is my spirit guide.

He said "it's ok. I'm what you want me to be."

So I may be pensive a lot. Reflecting on our existence.

It's not just lust. I don't even get an erection when I think of him like this. It's how I deepen my connection to him.

He is a different guide than I used to have.

That one I had before would dance around me naked, sometimes making me chuckle.

But this one is more profound and deep, just what I need now.
It's dusk, and I'm lying down across from him with a campfire between us. A symbol of being ok with not always being right together.
He pats the ground and invites me over. No one has ever been so welcoming to me. I find myself right by him without any transition. Like an electron jumping up an energy level in an atom.

For the first time, he holds me. Usually I think about holding another, not being held myself.

Then he does something playful, and I love him more. It was unexpected, but it's so warm.

It's only the first day. I hope it continues to get better.

We continue to spoon. He's smaller than I am. I am still somewhat human, not having fully identified as an anthro yet.
It seems to me that you desire some comforting and nurturing and it seems this is manifesting that experience for you. Smile
I started really getting aroused and then tried to paw off but could not. Indeed it is nurturing that I desire.

He offered me his paw to smell, but I just hold it and look at it. I admire his paw pads, and the claws.

It's the little details that make it so meaningful.

I'm looking for meaning in my life. And maybe meaning is what we define it as. Nothing inherently has any meaning.

I am sleeping naked because it makes me feel more like an anthro.

He has surprised me, often offering me even more than I expect to make the experience even greater.

I watched him playing soccer (football) like the character Zabivaka he is based off of. And I'm not normally into sports, but I got so excited and moved just watching him.

He will be what I need him to be, as long as I can remember him. I have to initiate the interaction, but he seems to take on a life of his own. He guides me. I just have to make the attempt.

I saw his teeth flash sharp once, and it startled me for a moment.

There's a constant mellow, soft feel of the whole thing.
He's just starting to help me learn what it's like to be an anthro. He holds my forearms and sends me a message.

I already know the anthro body is firmer, harder, and stronger.

I'm not afraid to take on this new form in his reality. I just keep forgetting.

There's some sadness in being an anthro. I now feel it. It's not always thrilling.

I feel deeper now than I remember. The air is thick. I see his eyes, and they are bright.

He has learned to adapt. He welcomes me, that no matter how challenging it becomes, I will see it through.

We are both naked. He is covered in fur, beautiful yellow fur. I am blue in color. Sometimes I am grey.

I want to sleep tonight, but I don't want to lose the memory. Or forget where we left off.

I am torn between two living worlds. Two realities. I have the time to spend in both. All my needs are met.

I want for nothing but to be with him, and to be an anthro. I must not forget my form. I must not forget him, my guide.

His eyes glow softly. Or maybe they just reflect my soul energy. If I could see it, I would be shining like a billion suns.
He sends me dense energy through my arms into my body. So that's what anthro energy feels like.

I think of the anthro gods but I cannot see them. I could just enjoy the feeling but I can't help but talk about it. Lest I forget in the morning.

He looks at me with a charming face. Encouraged in my dedication to know him.

Though I am with him, I can still feel lonely here.

An anthro inside seems to feel lonelier than I ever did as a human. But it also has a greater degree of purpose, and eagerness and worthwhileness.

My sexual fire has subsided for the moment. I can only relish in the now. We hold hands/paws. He gave me a hug earlier for the first time.

He squeezes my hand. He has the nurturing nature of feminine energy, with the dominance of masculinity. He is perfect, my guide. My partner, my friend.

I would go to dark places with him, because his charisma would light them right up.

I feel a little lost because it's all so new to me. But I feel courageous too. Lonely, but confident.

Strange though because I feel completely filled with him, and yet lonely a bit too. Lonely perhaps because I am still searching.

It's not like anytime I want sex he's right there to fulfill it. He still has his own personality, and his own drives. I don't even know if he feels the same sexually that I do.

But he knows what I want, and what I need. I can only just be while I fill with his anthro energy, making me whole.

I was missing this part my whole life. Even when I had found my calling years before, it was nothing. I only strive now to make this more real.
I am getting major downloads now. More than just ideas and feelings.
But also social structures. Identifying as anthro in his world means I am equal.
I no longer have to put myself down or minimize my importance.
We are learning from each other. We explored intense sexual perversions.
He has not yet shocked me with his wisdom.

I do not feel now that anthro are magical mystical beings but are like you and me.
I am still limited by what I can accept and he pushes me.
Even an anthro as gorgeous as him can make me uncomfortable sometimes.

I knew it's not always about appearance. But I still struggle to find my form.
Now that I've gotten past my initial excitement, it's mostly silent.
I see flashes of the Universe in his eyes.

Flashes of other anthros are coming through. Flashes of other stars and galaxies.
I don't want to let go of him, but I don't have to.

We move as fast as we need to. I just look at him in silence.
I am not as eager to know him so deeply now, which does sadden me.
But it could just be a small phase.

What he has helped me become, has made me question why I chose to be here.

I would not have learned so much about myself if I had not come.

He seems happy to take the form of an anthro for me. But I am so full of dense anthro energy that I can only experience.
It almost made me sick.

Anthros don't have it better than humans. But still I want to be one.
It's been only a day or two. I find myself falling in and out of love.

He gives me what I need. Sometimes challenges me. Sometimes gives me so much of what I want that I get overfilled.
I tell him I am sorry.
I want a tattoo of him.

I am focused on loving him with purity. Even imagining him without any genitals.
Why do I feel sick to my stomach? It's my past.

I can't share him with many others outside this forum, because they would not understand.
People do fall in love with fictional characters. My guide has taken this identity.

Why do I keep needing to prove what I would do for him?

So we sit, and I see us in 3rd person from the back. I have my right arm around him as he sits to my right.
He's wearing a shirt now. Like a red with a white stripe on it.
He looks to me with innocence.

Perhaps he is a Tulpa you are creating?
(04-18-2017, 12:45 PM)Aion Wrote: [ -> ]Perhaps he is a Tulpa you are creating?

I don't know if that's the case. If it is, I am responsible for him.
I've tried that in the past but never stuck with it.

It could be because I don't have like secrets of the universe knowledge or anything like that.

I'm also not sure if it's guidance he's looking for. He just looked at me expectantly. Like he was waiting for something.
(04-18-2017, 10:14 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]Why do I keep needing to prove what I would do for him?

In what manner do you need to prove this?
(04-18-2017, 01:45 PM)Minyatur Wrote: [ -> ]
(04-18-2017, 10:14 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: [ -> ]Why do I keep needing to prove what I would do for him?

In what manner do you need to prove this?

I don't need to prove it. It was just a passing thought that crops up.

He is like a beautiful piece of music that gives you goosebumps and chills. Add to that a deep love, and you have an idea of my feeling towards anthros.
They are wonderful, gorgeous.

The best anti-depressant I have.

[Image: Zabivaka_Ball.jpg]
I believe I will be greeted by a being after I die. This being may appear to me as an anthro, if it is not just out of my ego.
I am sending them my love and appreciation. I don't know if it's my guide that will first meet me.
But I think I will see one, or maybe a few in the afterlife introducing me to that place.
And it will feel more real than this world. Just like dreams can seem more real.
I don't know if it will be this character of Zabivaka that I have posted.
But I will have reverence and great appreciation for them.
Last night I dreamed I returned to work after some time. My new boss, who worked under my former boss, had a database with furry fursuit images in it that he was looking at which I thought was cool. The database we used was named with the number 27 in it. The username for the database was "seasalt". That's the name of a furry comic that is pretty sexual. But I've never looked at the comic, only heard about it from someone explaining it.

I've sort of given up on looking on the web for the meaning of numbers, because they pretty much all say the same thing. Like trust in yourself and your intuition, and that your guides are with you.

I couldn't really read my boss's writing. He was very nice. We had software that could connect to 2 databases at once, but he told us to only use 1 at a time. I think due to resources.

I don't remember actually seeing the data in it, only the furry fursuit pictures that I think he was showing me from another database. Or maybe it was the same one, I don't remember.
Had a dream about a nice teacher that was new.
I don't know what he taught.

But he asked the class to draw a furry picture.
I drew an anthro lying on his back looking up at the sky.

I think right before this I was trying to hide my page somewhere in the stack of artworks because I thought I had copied someone else.

But then mine went lost so I had to redraw.

Second time I drew a human with a large beard. But after I drew it suddenly it was cut off at his chin, so the rest of the beard didn't show.
I don't remember drawing it actually. Just saw the end product. I tried to make his nose like a dog's, because I wanted him an anthro.

I put my twitter name on it so he could contact me. Then we were walking together outside and he asked for my contact.

He also asked while we were in class about furry cons. I think he was new to furry stuff.

Second dream in a row with furry/anthro related stuff. Yesterday was a cool boss. Today was a cool teacher.
So I dream about authority figures who support me, and even initiate. Also I had not seen them before.

I remember being in class till like 11:45PM. And the number 22 came up.
I wonder if our fursuits are real beings on another dimension.

I would love to meet this one.

[Image: Elecami_Fursuit.jpg]

I wouldn't mind an entity like that to meet me in the afterlife. But I do love the yellow character I posted above too.
Now I'm seeing myself as somewhat of a guide of Zabivaka, that yellow canine I posted above.
As if he existed on another planet or world. And I try to watch out for him.
It's like I feel I can always make time for him.

I don't know my guide's name. Nor the real name of the one I feel like protecting.
They look like the Zabivaka character.

I went from all giddy and excited over meeting him, to feeling a reverence and awe over watching over him.
I will call my guide Cecil, the name given to me before.

He looks like Zabivaka, but he is different.
I asked him a few questions with a pendulum.
I will take this as my intuition calls me.

First, I let the pendulum spin to help tune into his energy.

Are you Cecil, my spirit guide?

Do you look like Zabivaka?

Is it ok that I've fallen in love with you?

Was it you that was guiding all our interactions?

Are you the one I will meet when I pass over?

Does any of my desires bother you?

Is there a being in the physical that looks like you?

Are there an infinite number of anthros that I would love to see?
I'm sending love from my heart chakra to anthros in anthro worlds that are hurting, or in need of it.
I could send to people on Earth that need it, but they already get plenty of love from millions of other individuals.
I don't know many people on Earth if any that actually are spiritual and know how to send love to other worlds.

I wondered about whether I should go by what they look like, like sending to the ones I would enjoy meeting one day.
And my guide gave me the intuition that it is ok to send to those I prefer who need it.
Because that still makes 1000's of them that could use the loving.

It makes me feel awesome inside, like bliss of an orgasm in my heart to know that I am helping gorgeous anthros out.
Our Universe is infinite, so they could be on some planet billions of lightyears away. Or maybe even in our own galaxy.

They would have to be in our galaxy though because outside of that your mind thinks differently. The Logos of each galaxy builds their minds differently.
I remember Ra saying that some of them had traveled to remote Logos, and it beggared the mind, or whatever they said. It was difficult to understand.

I want some who think at least like humans do.

If there is war and pain between them, which there may be, it makes me sad.

I spent so much time sending love to Earth and people here who are hurting. But I neglected what truly brings me happiness, by seeing anthros be happy.
A dream I had last night:

There was an older, heavy-set lady named Jeel who I came to their village to help. She was like a shaman there and would talk to animals,
which I noticed once as she climbed a staircase of big green leaves by jumping up from one leaf to another. She was like the adorable grandmother and protector.
She made a sound like it was a mating call, to help the animals, which could not really be seen.

I helped a species of animal there reproduce, though it wasn't bisexual reproduction. They were little animals, sort of like Pokemon, but I haven't really watched that.

I believe she and me and the forest was in cartoon. Not bright colors like Disney, but not dark colors either like Don Bluth. Sort of flat neutral colors.

I created a seed energetically that glowed. It looked like a large grape sized almond. It was yellow and glowed brilliantly.

I was going to take Jeel and me on a trip through the cosmos. I asked if she wanted to come with me and she agreed.

I woke up before we took off. I remember calling her name once. I created that seed energetically.

It was an energy seed that could survive meteors and even going into stars.

I used to be afraid of stars and other planets in dreams. But I wasn't scared to travel here, or the idea of traveling.

I remember seeing the people, and they were all cartoons too.
I don't know why I keep thinking of the afterlife so much. Or even if it's healthy to do so.

But when I first get there I'd like to know the truth.

If anthros don't exist there, I don't want to be fooled into believing that they do.

I don't want to be greeted by an anthro angel if it turns out I end up somewhere else.
I would hate the irony. To get my hopes up and then dash them to pieces.

Like what happens at 3:13 in this video:

While I like the storyboard and the character, it's really depressing.
I almost think that I'd take his place if I could, but I don't know if that's just thinking wrongly.
I hate to see them suffer.

I don't like human suffering either. I do care about humans I am realizing.
But I never feel love like I do for "fictional" characters.

Only my dog do I love.

I keep watching atheist videos that make fun of God and make me laugh.

Is this wrong?

Believing in higher density may be wishful thinking. There's no scientific evidence for them.

You'll notice I'm going back and forth in my belief while I try to discover the truth.
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