Hello everyone, just going to start rambling, forgive how unorganized this may get! I'm new here, just found a thread on another site called abovetopsecret, from there I got a link to a q and a session with someone known as hidden hand. I went through it all, and feeling a reaffirmation from what I've learned through my other studies, and just what is a part of me, was able to get out of a funk I've had.. The real issue is I let myself be comprised, because of the love I felt for someone, and my huge desire to try and help them. I also was engaging in some pretty bad habbits, recreational use of marijuana, while in my opinion isn't so bad, it is for me, at least in this point in time, only when I'm alone is it mainly positive. And something I really dislike, an addiction to pornography. I've distanced myself from the smoking of pot, and have refrained from allowing my thoughts to drift towards anything sexual. When I dream I have been bombarded with sex, almost the point of me cumming in my sleep, right before it happened I managed to make it stop. Anyways, I have a few things I'd like to ask help about, I would also be open to whatever possible suggestions or questions you fine folks may have. One thing that is big to me, the other day, after I was reading the last portion of the hidden hand stuff, I was so elated and felt so much love and happiness, it was amazing.. I have had a lot of emotional blockages since my father died roughly 7 years ago, I was in a very negative place, and I still resonate a fair bit with negativity. In fact I feel like I have a tremendous ability to be evil, the lure of power is always there, but luckily for me my heart just won't let it happen! anyways.. during my elation at the affirmations found within the text I had this great fear strike me at once, I was going to be abducted and violated, I have had fear of alien abduction since I was 10 or so I believe, not sure on exact age, and for sometime I had forgotton about that, with the new found happiness, surprise surprise, look who has come knocking on my door again, anywaysss.. I covered myself under a blanket and was just waiting for the feeling to go away, and during this time, I had a blip in time.. it's like time was stopped and than started again, was a very weird feeling.. I feel like I have been interfered with.. and I don't think this is the first time. anyways, I'm worried that they will come back.. I'd like some suggestions as to what I might be able to do.. to protect myself, I'm worried they may attack my loved ones as well.. it makes me very angry thinking of that.. anyways.. one of the only other concrete examples of "alien interference" and I don't even know for sure if either of these are, even tho I believe it strongly, is when I was trying to practice astral projection, which I have yet to succeed with, probably due to my being frightened to death of finding some parasitic life form feeding off of me, but yeah, I was trying to AP and the vibrations began to get incredibly intense, and than, I saw the clearest thing I've ever seen in my minds eye, at least as an adult.. the face of a grey alien appeared, and I almost crapped myself.. so yeah.. theres that little piece of info..
I'd like to apologize to any moderators out there, going to switch topics here, hopefully this isn't going to create any difficulties for ya!
The other thing I want help with would be all these sexual impulses, images of things I've seen and things I haven't, ideas of foul forms of sexual practice, all sorts of things, I want them out of me, I refuse to sumbit to them, and am not worried about it, but i'd still rather not be constantly pressed upon with such things.. I try to imagine the people in these acts stopping, and realizing what they are doing isn't what their hearts want, ect ect, but I feel like that may be attacking their free will,
aside from that, helping myself heal, I want to help others, so very very bad, but I'm very conflicted, I don't want to knock people off of their path, and it's quite rare someone comes to me for help, and when they do, I feel as if i'm just wasting my energy, I feel drained, and while I temporarily bring them happiness and inspiration, it's not really getting to the root of the problem, maybe they just want my energy, and aren't ready to heal, I wish there was more I could do, to help people... but I don't know what to do! I'm hoping someone who shares my desire to help people will in turn help me and by doing so help themselves! I guess i'll leave it at that..
Thanks a lot to everyone here, I've read a few threads so far and feel very at home and appreciative of all of you already!
With lots of love!
Daniel[/u]
I forgot to add that I felt required to let myself be taken to assist them in some way, like my sacrifice of myself could somehow help save them, not sure if that was an implanted thought to take away my free will or what.. but there it is!
I'd like to apologize to any moderators out there, going to switch topics here, hopefully this isn't going to create any difficulties for ya!
The other thing I want help with would be all these sexual impulses, images of things I've seen and things I haven't, ideas of foul forms of sexual practice, all sorts of things, I want them out of me, I refuse to sumbit to them, and am not worried about it, but i'd still rather not be constantly pressed upon with such things.. I try to imagine the people in these acts stopping, and realizing what they are doing isn't what their hearts want, ect ect, but I feel like that may be attacking their free will,
aside from that, helping myself heal, I want to help others, so very very bad, but I'm very conflicted, I don't want to knock people off of their path, and it's quite rare someone comes to me for help, and when they do, I feel as if i'm just wasting my energy, I feel drained, and while I temporarily bring them happiness and inspiration, it's not really getting to the root of the problem, maybe they just want my energy, and aren't ready to heal, I wish there was more I could do, to help people... but I don't know what to do! I'm hoping someone who shares my desire to help people will in turn help me and by doing so help themselves! I guess i'll leave it at that..
Thanks a lot to everyone here, I've read a few threads so far and feel very at home and appreciative of all of you already!
With lots of love!
Daniel[/u]
I forgot to add that I felt required to let myself be taken to assist them in some way, like my sacrifice of myself could somehow help save them, not sure if that was an implanted thought to take away my free will or what.. but there it is!